Sunday, October 14, 2007

Where in Hell is Gurumayi?

It's an open question. As in now open for discussion.

Gurumayi hasn't been seen in public for—how long has it been? Three years, almost four? It's hard to know precisely because news of her appearances has long been carefully controlled and sometimes concealed by those closest to her. I do know the last time I saw her; it was January 1, 2004 when I did seva helping to broadcast the last New Year's message that she gave in person: "Experience the Power Within. Kundalini Shakti." Soon afterwards she began to slowly fade away; first closing her ashram in upstate New York to outside visitors, then abruptly stopping public initiations. The following year she failed to appear to give the New Year's address, and instead issued a cryptic command that Siddha yogis should repeat the study of the previous year's message.

Or did she?

Communications from South Fallsburg (the international headquarters of Siddha Yoga) have been exquisitely calibrated to neither disclose her whereabouts nor quote her directly. Gurumayi's followers have been left to trust what they're (not) being told and invited not to ask questions.

Well, I can no longer trust without questioning. So, let's began with this: Why should anyone care about Gurumayi's disappearance? True believers are taught not to associate the eternal Guru Principle too closely with any transient human form, however beloved, while skeptics (of whom Siddha Yoga has many) doubtless cheer the seeming abdication of a teacher who has been implicated in numerous scandals in recent years, and who some now believe to be a false guru.

My answer is that it matters to me. This blog is an ongoing search not merely for information on Gurumayi's whereabouts, but for signs that the yoga I've practiced under her guidance for the past twenty years is a true path. In this quest I won't so much be looking for outside evidence as I will be trying—at last—to examine my own experiences of Siddha Yoga, their value and merit, without the constriction of a devotional narrative framework. Readers who are familiar with the Siddha Yoga "experience talk" straight-jacket will understand what I'm talking about here. Make no mistake. I treasure many of the spiritual experiences I've had while practicing Siddha Yoga; the intimately fulfilling states of self-awareness in meditation, the ecstatic, transcendental highs of group chanting, the silent swing of my inner compass pointing true north during profound self-inquiry. What I no longer value is the stultifying Siddha Yoga culture that replaces true self-inquiry (which must remain open to the divine contradictions and bittersweet ambiguities of real life) with foregone-conclusion contemplation that ties everything up in a neat package and wraps it in a brightly-colored Lesson Learned Due To The Guru's Grace.

I believe it is the responsibility of all of us who have practiced Siddha Yoga to break the seal that a false devotion once clamped over the doors of our free expression. It's the only way forward. I'll be the first to say that it's scary. Very scary. Because we don't know what we'll find. People I know and trust have taken this way and come to unbelief. Just deciding to start down this path feels like a departure from the path of Siddha Yoga to me. But I can't go back.

I've named this blog Rituals of Disenchantment because we all have to break the spell of silence that has been cast over the Siddha Yoga sangham if we are ever to become re-enchanted with this yoga again. In this, everyone is welcome to participate in their own way. I'm keeping this blog open to anyone who wants to read it, and to post to it. I want this to be a place where you can speak your own truth, whether you have left the path, are still on squarely on it, or don't know where you stand. Just be honest and kind. If we can't be kind with one another, what really have we attained after all this time?


stuartresnick said...

Makes me remember when I was in Ganeshpuri, around 1983. There was an intensive scheduled, and the Gurus were traveling, but Gurumayi was due back in time for the Intensive. Some delay happened, and it became clear that Gurumayi wasn't going to show. In those pre-cell phone days, no one knew where she was or when she'd return.

So some swami or trustee made this big announcement that Gurumayi had sent a fax saying that everyone should still go to the Intensive and focus on the inner guru yada yada. Later I asked a swami, and he admitted there was no fax, they'd just made it up. It'd be bad for business if people didn't think Gurumayi had personally instructed them to attend the intensive.

I also remember during the Nit/Chid blow-up, they sent out a letter signed "the swamis of siddha yoga." The swamis spoke with one voice supporting Gurumayi over her brother. I asked a swami if they had anything to do with that letter, and he said no, it'd just been drafted by someone and they pretended it was from all the swami.

Which is to say: there was a culture in SYDA in which truth didn't count for much. A perfectly reasonable scenario is that Gurumayi just disappeared, and then the higher-ups in management just pretend she's still somehow connected. Maybe they act out of mistaken loyalty to some idea about spirituality. Maybe they're just afraid that if people knew that GM just got sick of it and wandered off with her money, the whole thing'd fall apart and these higher-ups would have to get real jobs.

Just speculating.

Anyway, a much more important point. The blogger says something about being re-inchanted with this yoga. Kindly contemplate what "this yoga" is and why you want to be inchanted with it.

Truth is always right in front of us. Yeah, SYDA and the gurus gave us ideas and suggested practices that helped provide some people with very nice feelings. Nice feelings come and go. Clinging to or chasing after nice feelings is no good. Better to question and examine deeply the truth of this moment.


SeekHer said...

"Nice feelings come and go. Clinging to or chasing after nice feelings is no good. Better to question and examine deeply the truth of this moment."

Thank you, Stuart, I couldn't have put it any more concisely or powerfully than that. I’ve created this blog explicitly as a vehicle to deeply examine my present truth. Thanks, too, for giving me an excellent question to start the process rolling: "What is this yoga and why do you want to be re-enchanted with it?" I don’t have an answer for you (or for myself for that matter.) Finding an answer to that question will be a necessary part of the journey. I only know that I feel I have lost something of tremendous, vital importance, and I want to know what it is, and whether or not I can ever reclaim it. Lets label it “Belief” for now.

stuartresnick said...

SeekHer said...
I only know that I feel I have lost something of tremendous, vital importance, and I want to know what it is, and whether or not I can ever reclaim it. Lets label it 'Belief' for now.

Many thanks for your kind response to my earlier comment, SeekHer. I like your sincere questioning. Actually, I think the questions themselves are wonderful and important, mabye moreso than any answer.

Here's where I am now when it comes to "belief." As much as I can, I'd rather just respond to whatever the situation is right in front of me, in every moment, in this moment... rather than carrying any belief in my head.

I guess you could say I believe that trying to help whomever you meet is how to live. But it's not a blind belief, it's more like I sometimes can see how the way I treat others will ultimately, in a big-picture way, return to me. Or maybe it's just that I don't know what to believe, and believing in compassion seems better than all the alternatives.

In the tradition I now practice with, we sometimes talk about "Great Faith" or "Believing in your True Self." But again, I think that's different from believing in a book or a person or an idea. It's more like being 100% open to this moment, throwing away whatever thinking or opinions etc that create separation.

Thanks for blogging about your own inquiry process. I think it's very possible that other people will be helped by your sincerity.


Anonymous said...

Stuart, I'd like to clarify something you said, which was "Maybe they're just afraid that if people knew that GM just got sick of it and wandered off with her money, the whole thing'd fall apart and these higher-ups would have to get real jobs."

Would it not be more accurate to say that "GM just got sick of it and wandered off with all THEIR money" or "GM just got sick of it and walked off with the funds she'd accumulated from the inheritance Muk left her and her brother, along with whatever she pocketed over her years as SY guru?"

All I'm asking for is clarity on the source of the money GM wandered off with - - loving donations by loving devotees. And monies paid by the devotees for intensives, courses, bookstore items, etc., etc., that result from profit earned on business transactions as opposed to freely given donations and gifts.

I thought that was an important distinction to draw.

Anonymous said...

Gurumayi's disappearance??
What disappearance do you mean?
You and I might not have been invited... but she's been hanging out all this time with hundreds (if not thousands on some occasions) in SMA. If you give your $$ or if you offer your service and if you agree to drink the kool-aid again, you could probably be invited too...

Anonymous said...

A couple hundred maybe, not thousands anymore. Last seen, recently, in the SF ashram attending a chant.
I believe if you are willing to spend six months, you apply and are accepted, then you can join the group. Have you made inquiries?

Former SYer, now Episcopalian

Anonymous said...

I'll be honest with you. I spent 15 years of my life as a devoted bhakti,deeply concerned at any given juncture as to the "whereabouts" of my so-called guru. She has eaten up enough of my time, attention, bank funds, and shakti.

The simple answer to your query then would be:
'I could give a shit." What a joy to see through the illusion and move forward with a life that needs no intermediary between the shakti and oneself. She padded her off-shore accounts and got what she needed. Why give it any more focus?

Of course you could ask, then why am i am on this site? It's VERY interesting to me not to speculate where this energy-manipulating black magician may be but to hear the truthful and poignant stories of the many people I came to love while on the path. Much healing comes in that form.

The voices that were never allowed to fully speak, now speak.

Anonymous said...

It seems we find ourselves in a similar spot to those who ask where is God? A God who is gone 'away on business' as Charles Simic said in his poem, The Absentee Landlord.

This theme of experiencing God in his absence is one that is very present for me now that Christopher has framed the labryinth as a metaphor. Just have Picasso's etchings in my mind for reference. It's rich and I look forward to lots of companionship there.

Pan's Labyrinth I watched on the edge of my seat, not understanding a tenth of what was going on. Just like a when I was kid, watching films I couldn't fathom, but fascinated. Thank you for alerting me to writers I have not yet explored who might light my way.

We were drawn by the novel, the primal, the theoretical, the aesthetics, the warmth, the laughter, the food!. SY pulled out all the stops on the organ to deliver a whopping experience.

So is it only highs we miss?

For me I am looking for no thrills. Just a willingness to be present with us in the errors that were committed on all sides. In whatever capacity is possible. I just cannot believe I miscalculated by investment by that much. But I could be wrong.

My preferred way of viewing things is to believe there is still a beautiful person there. That would be nice. Not a requirement for healing however. Thank the Lord.


Anonymous said...

"A couple hundred maybe, not thousands anymore...."

This is what they want you to believe. It is the current "official story." As usual, it's a lie. In fact, over 300 live there now. And on holidays the numbers go up to 1000. Just giving the facts from a reliable source...


Anonymous said...

Hi Tom

I stand corrected then! That would require the complicity of friends that I would expect to be in that group of 1000 on holidays in keeping silence on that. To what end I am not sure...

As for me I agree completely that it is great not to be concerned about the whereabouts of GM anymore, or be yearning to be in her presence.

I feel I am in the Presence as much now as I was with any darshan.

Peace and Love to all

Former SYer, now Episcopalian

Anonymous said...

I suffer from a sense that absolutely no one, none, not a single solitary individual can or every should be abandoned by our hearts. This has made me a victim omany times of my own sentimentality.

I think HH Dalai Lama talks about how to keep heart open and protect at the same time. I'll have to find the quote. I only thought about it in the sense of soldiers in Tibet. Maybe I can think about it closer than that.

Still processing, last grrrruuurrrruuugita chanted was 03/07. When I hear that some are still practicing and some have been out 2 years, that's a big span of time. I am at the 6 month point. My brain cells are still repeating ONS non stop. I just ignore it like any good schizophrenic should do.;-)

Won't do all that processing on these blogs, could get ugly. I want to apologize for the bite in my words when I post anywhere, but I know no other way. It really helps me to read softer writers here. Thanks to you.

I absolutely believed everything SY unquestioned, just to see where belief would take me. ON FAITH. I decided to play the faith game with Swami Chidvilasananda, her current legal moniker I believe.

Does anyone know the story of the Centurion and Jesus? That's the game I played. I think it impressed her, that I could be so gullible. I thought my Faith might make her so. She had some good people around her that's for sure. making the guru look good. Ah, me.

Faith is over. Science rules my heart now. Feels safe there. Divine Algorithims. They are out there. Peace.


Anonymous said...

MC, your brains cells impress me quite a bit; when I think of all the effort I put into japa and I really sucked at it! LOL! But anyway, it is good that ONS is public domain. There is NO trademark attached to it, so why not let your brain cells do their thing if it makes them happy, while you go about your daily life?

Familiar with the story of Jesus and the Centurion and one of the big points in the story is that that Jesus made no distinction of who is eligible for grace and healing and who is not. As you can imagine, Jews were not overly fond of the Romans for they were the oppressors and a Centurion truly represented Roman authority.

Wishing you all the best


Anonymous said...

Re: “Gurumayi's disappearance?? What disappearance do you mean?”

She is not really “hanging out” with 100s or 1000s of people. She is officially in SMA but out of sight for months at a time. Then she reappears in public for a few days or a couple of weeks, makes some random comments (teachings?) and disappears again for months. She does that to keep the morale of the staff up so they keep running the foundation. Some loyal donors and home sevites are invited to SMA sometimes to give them the false impression that nothing has changed in the South Fallsburg front.

To the reliable source of Tom: the staff is under 200 now, and I doubt 1000 fit there for a holiday. With SK sold, AG shut down, half of AN closed due to mold problems and most of the staff in single rooms, I doubt there is space for 800 guests.

Anonymous said...

Re: "the staff is under 200 now, and I doubt 1000 fit there for a holiday. With SK sold, AG shut down, half of AN closed due to mold problems and most of the staff in single rooms, I doubt there is space for 800 guests.
October 22, 2007 7:04 AM"

With memories of SY all in a jumble my mind could only conjure the Accomodations of days past when it was 10 to room and lucky if you got the privacy of placing your foam mattress in the bath tub, until early risers, (that's 2:30) got up for some temple duty.



Why then?

Why now?

Thanks for all the writers wrestling with these questions.


Anonymous said...

To MC--
I'm also impressed with your brain cells!
I'm sure it is natural to associate the mantra with SY, but why make that mistake? Why give Gurumayi that much credit? ONS has been around for centuries. Maybe you would be a happier camper if you stopped resisting it. Kind of like the old baby with the bathwater metaphor.


stuartresnick said...

J said:
I'm sure it is natural to associate the mantra with SY, but why make that mistake?

FWIW, I consider mantra a really great technique, an effective medicine for those times when thinking is creating problems.

I've thrown away the idea that one mantra is better than another. Whichever one you like will work fine. I've thrown away all those beautiful, sancimonious ideas about this or that mantra being "the name of God" yada yada. A mantra is a tool, a medicine, no need to drown it in religious nonsense.

And as far as making any connection between a mantra and a guru, why do that? Say a doctor tells you to try some medicinal herbs. All that matters is if the herbs work for you. Who cares about the doctor beyond that?


Anonymous said...

To commentors to MC 'to mantra or not to mantra'. Om Thank You Om

Anonymous said...

Dear Seekers of the Truth,
I have practised SY for 11 years, and met Gurumayi.
The experiences I've had are extraordinary and have completely improved my life, however.....
what the fuck is going on?
Not a word from GM?
To me, something is not right...
Take care all.

SeekHer said...

Stuart said:

"Or maybe it's just that I don't know what to believe, and believing in compassion seems better than all the alternatives."

I'm down with that, Stuart my man. Compassion. Which is latin for "suffering with" or, "undergoing with"

We are all undergoing this together; and in this I don't mean to limit "us" to Siddha Yogis. "We" is everyone who is incarnate.

Anonymous said...

Why to worry about gurumayi she is doing her seva.Let her do whatever she want's to do.
I think we should contemplet on her teachings and continue paracticing siddha yoga abhayasa.
I never feelet that gurumayiji is away from me,she is allways with me
through her teachings and her love.

Anonymous said...

gurumayi gave a 3 talks in november 2007 .
on the first day of navarti each goddess..kali , durga , laxshmi

i feel closer now to her then ever and my meditations are yummy .i am in my 25th yr with gurumayi ...

Anonymous said...

why care, as bade baba would say, what that "pot of shit" is doing? what elevate her when she's only been a false projection of yr own shakti? yummy meditations? puuurrrfect siddha-baby-speak.

Anonymous said...

What strikes me is the emphasis on being close to a guru, for that is what she did, or to just see one now and then.
Now this isn't possible, and up until her and Babas enlightenments, they certainly were nearby their gurus.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe you people!!!!!! How dare you say things like Gurumayi is a fake? It is because of ingrates like you that Gurumayi does not have things like Darshan and appearances in public like she used to!!!!! I wish all of you luck in your lives!!!!

SeekHer said...

anonymous said...
why care, as bade baba would say, what that "pot of shit" is doing? what elevate her when she's only been a false projection of yr own shakti? yummy meditations? puuurrrfect siddha-baby-speak.

I believe you mean to say that Bade Baba referred to the physical body, anyone's body, as a "pot of shit", not Gurumayi.

loveformyguru said...
I can't believe you people!!!!!! How dare you say things like Gurumayi is a fake? It is because of ingrates like you that Gurumayi does not have things like Darshan and appearances in public like she used to!!!!! I wish all of you luck in your lives!!!!

A belated welcome here, friend. I think you'll find if you read further here that many contributors don't believe that Gurumayi is a fake. We don't know what to believe. If you can tolerate some ambiguity in discourse about SY, and ignore asinine comments like the one above, I'd love to have you as a reader, and a commenter.

Anonymous said...

gurumayi is back .she rocked the 2008 talk ..
25 years of gurumayi
100 years of baba

Anonymous said...

If GM is back, I would like to come for Darshan. Is that possible.

SeekHer said...

Anonymous said...
"If GM is back, I would like to come for Darshan. Is that possible."

Dear friend, welcome to this ongoing discussion. If you've found your way here, perhaps you're ready to hear that Gurumayi is not coming back, not in the way you remember or want. There has not been darshan for many years, and the practice has not been revived. The New Year's Message for 2008 is a pre-recorded talk. It might have been made month ago and Gurumayi has likely long retreated back into obscurity. Some believe she has left the public stage of SY in order to teach us all a valuable lesson about finding the Guru within. Others believe she has stepped down, and is only involved when there is a need to maintain the fiction that the path is still true, for tax and fundraising and other, quite mundane, purposes.

I, too, missed darshan for a long time. It helped me to remember those I had, with love.

Anonymous said...

i feel closer now to her then ever and my meditations are yummy .i am in my 25th yr with gurumayi

Please enlighten me...what is a yummy meditation?

I'm just going through what it rhymes with... um bummy, dummy, numby, mummy, tummy.....

Anonymous said...


Just thought I'd let you know there's a question on guruphiliac regarding George Afif from someone in Melbourne. I heard that he is there.

I don't have an answer to it so I will post the url so maybe someone can answer it.


A concerned citizen

AsForMe said...

I miss Gurumayi and Baba. They were for me, gifts from the Holy Spirit for which I am endlessly grateful.
I miss getting Shaktipat & having darshan. I miss the bliss of chanting with the Guru.
I miss the high spiritual teachings that were so available in SY.
I miss the rapid pace of my spiritual growth, and of those around me. I miss "In Search of the Self" and the tremendous influence it had on my sadhana during the many years I took the course. I miss the Siddha Yoga community and the beautiful uplifting surroundings of the ashram. I even miss seva. I miss all of this and so much more. For a long time, I felt abandoned by the Guru. But as of now, I simply feel so grateful for all that I have been given. I wish Gurumayi well, wherever she is and pray that she be blessed.

Anonymous said...

As a person who lives near SF and had the opportunity to do seva in recent times I can tell you that people still see Gurumayi, and she is fine. It is more like the old days up there, with people really doing the practices rather than chasing her around like a rock star...Did she back away on purpose to allow those of us swept up in that to turn within...perhaps. I can only guess at her intention, and while I miss summers at the ashram, I know my practices have deepened. Oh, the gossip here about swami's saying this or that...well, perhaps it is so, but who truly knows! And who cares.

Anonymous said...

Baba liked to tell a story about a woman. A woman was cooking one day when a wedding procession went by. There was a big band and a lot of singing and dancing. Very excited, she went outside to see what was happening. She watched the whole thing, and then she went back indoors. Suddenly she realized she had lost her necklace. She looked for it everywhere. She went from one room to another, but she could not find it.
She began to scream and shout," Ï've lost my necklace! I've lost my necklace!

Her friends and neighbour hurried into her house and asked."Whats happening?

She said,Ï've lost my necklace! I've lost my necklace!

In the meantime one friend saw something shiney around her neck and asked, "What's this?

She said, Öh! It's my necklace!
Baba concludes Necklace never been lost there was only a big commotion. In the same way we have never lost the grace or love of our GURU. We just like to make big fuss.

Anonymous said...

"She said, Öh! It's my necklace!

Baba concludes Necklace never been lost there was only a big commotion. In the same way we have never lost the grace or love of our GURU. We just like to make big fuss"

Those parables were always used in Siddha Yoga to stop an inquiring mind and make you feel as if there was something wrong with you if you thought about things in any way other than prescribed (within the culture of the yoga)... questions mean doubts and doubts mean you are not pure enough. This is classic cult social control tactics by charismatic leaders.

And I'm speaking from deep and long experience. I met Muktananda in 1978 and sat through many talks with many such parables, all designed to make us feel down on ourselves if we had any doubts.

Thank goodness I've grown up and now use my God-given power of intellect.

Anonymous said...


Not everything has to make sence to us. Personaly, this understanding incorperates what i have learned. And truly truly truly the guru is not the physical form. How could it be. if i really think about it, in 70 years ill be dead or in less time My Guru will be dead in 170 years time we will all be realy dead, everyone on the entire planet. so if the Guru is only in the phisical form ( which it is not ) then like everything else it has an expiration date. So the teachings would have to be "become enlightend for a limited time only". The whatever you want to call it , shakti, god, alla, buda krishna, ganesh, nityananda, muktananda, gurumayi, you, me everything and nothing and our thoughts, Move indepentantly of our judjement, opinion, control and expectation. we canot control or understand it. We are all enlightend anyway its not on or off it just is our expirience of "IT" is it.

Anonymous said...

I thanks you for your opinion against the story.

Because whatever you say whatever you feel is god's thinking. And that is what Baba wants to tell us "God is within you as you" So I honour the God that is within you. Thank you once again.

Anonymous said...

For me the poor outward behavior that I felt characterized some, but not all SY centers forced me to make a choice between my integrity and the shakti. I opted for the former after 25 years of involvement. I stopped going to the local SY center and took all the pictures of Baba and Gurumayi down and continued to do practices---and the shakti just got more powerful. I have pictures of Kali Bade Baba and other Hindu gods on my alter. Gurus, no matter how energetically powerful, are never more than channels for energy. They can't be seen as being gods in themselves.

le chef said...

I have been away from gurumayi since 1993 and unfortunatly the practices as well.The reasons are unimportant and are my own folly.What is important is that Gurumayi saved my life.Not just my spiritual life, but my life itself.I was in Fallsburg the winter Gurumayi separated from her brother.I was new.There was a lot of chatter.Chatter that meant nothing to me.Not because I was spiritually evolved, but because I really did not care.I actually lacked the ability at that time which served me well and kept me out of the drama.We were getting the ashram ready for her arrival.Little did I know what I really was getting ready for.
Gurumayi suddenly arrived.I was standing by the front door.My mind said "looks like she is carrying a burden".Gurumayi flicked her hand and that thought disappeared along with the chatter.A white light took me over,joy and love entered my for the first time and I have loved her ever since

Anonymous said...

A white light took me over,joy and love entered my for the first time and I have loved her ever since...........

Fantastic Experience, Yes she is a true Guru....

Anonymous said...

HI All,
Sadgurunath Maharaj Kee Jay,

I want to draw your attention to something that I find many in Siddha Yoga don't actually realise. Mahamandaleshwar Swami Nityananda (Gurumayi's brother and Co successor) is still teaching and practicing, with heavy shakti around him, initiating with Shaktipat and all that which goes with a Satguru. SYDA forced him to leave and disrobe under threat of his life (a long and unhealthy story which isn't worth going into) and some years later he reemerged and has created Shanti Mandir to successfully continue Baba's teachings. As a loving devottee who was raised in Siddha yoga, I can tell you he is the real deal and unlike the dramas that cloud SYDA and Gurumayi, he is completely accessible and open, his oganisation healthy and vibrant with many Indian and western devottees. I have personlly heard him address the SYDA issuses when people ask him. Maybe you should visit his ashram and ask him personally and see what he says? He is particularily concerned about Baba's Mahasamadhi shrine in Ganeshpuri being closed to visitors and under guard at present and hopes to see this rectified as he says it should be accessable and free for all to attend and worship. He wonders around his ashrams and is free to approach, meet and chat with anytime and is humble and loving. Accessible in the way that allows the Guru/deciple relationship to deepen and fluish.
Please don't get me wrong I love and respect Gurumayi and have recieved wonderful insights from her teachings and have lived in her ashram for some time, and my dream is to see them (brother and sister) once again reinstated as Baba intended in the first place. A Gurugita lead by both would be a wonderful start. Fancy that!

Jai Gurudev,


Anonymous said...

When i went to SMA i walked into the temple for the first time and saw bede baba's murthi. he smiled at me. i was overcome with a sense of wonder and awe. When i read that SMA was closed and people could no longer go to the temple and see him i cried for days.
"the staff is under 200 now, and I doubt 1000 fit there for a holiday. With SK sold, AG shut down, half of AN closed due to mold problems and most of the staff in single rooms, I doubt there is space for 800 guests."
this makes me very upset. i was surfing the syda site for info and of course there was none. the seva jobs list available has gotten very long and the bookstore has next to nothing available for sale. both things lead me to believe SMA and SY is sadly falling into disrepair.
I became a devotee in 1999 on new years day, it's a day i will never forget. i used to visit the Oakland ashram allot. I had to move in 2003 to spokane and i'm all alone here :( Last time i say gurumayi was in 2001. I too have been wondering "what the fuck is going on?" All i know is how i feel and i feel abandoned. But I am very devoted to bede baba and loving him helps me. I still love GM and wish her well. Peace to all of you and i hope maybe someday she will be there for us again.

Anonymous said...

I also thank you for posting this. It's nice to know i wasn't the only person out there wondering what is going on

SeekHer said...

dear cobralilly;

you are certainly not alone! read more here and you'll find stories from many, many in the community who share your confusion and grief. This blog hasn't really been active for a month or more, but I hope it can help you heal as it has helped me.

all my best


Anonymous said...

Poor Stuart ... still dragging around those three years he spent in Siddha Yoga 20 years ago as his main form of internet communication. In a way I think Gurumayi must have touched him very deeply because he cannot stop talking about her -- even though he long gave up Siddha Yoga for the Buddhists.

In any event, my family and friends have been residents at SMA in recent years and they reported she was there and mixing with devotees. There was writing on the while for a long time that Gurumayi would be handing much of her role to the centers and teachers. I've been in Siddha Yoga since 1988. Gurumayi is not a false guru. Your experiences can probably verify that. It was a gift to have all those years with the sangham and the Guru. Jaya Gurumayi.

Anonymous said...

Peace Within You:

I have been working to stop the idolatry "outside" myself, therefore outside our self - “we” are One. Then, without idolatry (darkness) we will see the Light where it is.

Following my intuition; several years ago I met Gurumayi in Oakland at the "Festín de Cantos". I expressed* that while somebody is searching for a Guru "outside", then s/he will never is going to find the Guru within himself / herself.
In other words, if you are following a Guru this is beCause you can´t believe yet that YOU ARE THE GURU. It is obvious. You can not see God outside and everywhere, unless you see it (belief, FAITH) in-side you.

*Before I met Gurumayi, I have been in communication (mentally) with her, and by consequence, in communication with every being in the Cosmos (there´s no difference – we are One).. She is my greatest friend ever; we all are friends but, do everyBody feels it?

Is easy to follow somebody, it is hard to be The Guru, The Master. However, it is a Game. Accordingly and as a gratitude to Swami Chidvilasananda, I offered one of my little writings to her: "The Play of the Consciousness" (I haven´t read Baba´s book), you can read it here, thank you very much:

Where in Hell is Your Inner Self?


Francisco Rafael Farias said...


Something else. Definitely, as the God we are, we do not need to follow a Guru nor to visit a group, but as a Game it is we can visit one or all of them.

Indeed we are following OurSelf in his / her diverse Forms / Places.

By the way, as a player on the Game, I participated last night in the 100´s Anniversary of Baba´s birthday in one of the Siddha Yoga Centers in Mexico (Guadalajara). Furthermore, in my website I have a link where I recommend Gurumayi´s path.
Gurumayi is a true Guru and the path of the Siddhas is my personal one.

Thanks, Francisco

Anonymous said...

I have read many of these "leaving Siddha Yoga" comments and stories. I find several things in common, Money and the whining of people asking why isn't Gurumayi taking care of me?

I think beginig with Watergate. Peple relish the idea of taking down heros, icons, do-gooders and those that wanto uplft humanity. Instead the watch fish eyed the going ons of Britney, Gibbs, Trump also pointing fingers says and pretending to be so much more evolved.

Why can people, all of you complainers focus on the purpose of spirital work instead of who is leading it. What makes anyone more worthy or exceptional. I ahve never heard Baba or gurumayi say they are better, more evolved. What I have heard is that they have chosen to devote their lives to the betterment of others.

I hav yet to read how any of the "leaving Siddha Yoga" are doing even that? What are you doing? Have you reinvested in the Consumer, tv, ifI can't do what I want and get a quick high I'm out of here world.

Seriously, I would like to know how you have moved on, what is your path and would you be on that path if it weren't for Siddha Yoga?

Are you happier today? I hope so.

Anonymous said...

Dear wonderfull people, i am from europe and in SY since '87.Last ten years on a distance of the communitie but before that very involved. I always wonderd what gurumayi thought of the american way of being, she is not really like that evendo she is everything and a treu guru.
I think she left the SY for financiell reasons.
I am pretty sure .I have faith in her and the guru lineauge but i think the organisation has been corrupt.And the CIA is trying to find more evidence.
This is what can happen in the real world and happens in SY.
So do not pay the SY anymore but do the practices and be in the love for all.
I feel so much pitty fot the real swamies.
I send them and you so much love,and greetings to ram.

Anonymous said...

If your practices can not hold you without needing to see the form of the Guru then you are lost. She is testing your metal. I am glad she is separating the Bhaktis from the boys. It makes for a more powerful and exciting Sangham.

Anonymous said...

Wow, you are a bunch of hard nuts! If you haven't let the shakti take you by now then your ego must be MASSIVE. You should keep fighting! The bigger your ego the sweeter the ride when you let go. Look at Baba! It took kneeling before many saints before his nut finally cracked! Be a hard nut like Baba it means you must have extra sweetness on the inside. Here’s hoping you get to taste it!

Anonymous said...

Wow, you are a bunch of hard nuts! If you haven't let the shakti take you by now then your ego must be MASSIVE. You should keep fighting! The bigger your ego the sweeter the ride when you let go. Look at Baba, It took kneeling before many saints before his nut finally cracked. Be a hard nut like Baba it means you must have extra sweetness on the inside. Here’s hoping you get to taste it!

Anonymous said...

Has disconnecting from your path helped you discover who you are? That is the only message out there, no one cares how you get it, as long as you get it!!

Stop moaning about what you didn't get from your Guru and take responsibility and nurture all the moments that connected you with your true nature. Throwing a bit of gratitude in the mix might lift your state of mind for starters!

Anonymous said...

Has disconnecting from your path helped you discover who you are? That is the only message out there, no one cares how you get it, as long as you get it!!

Stop moaning about what you didn't get from your Guru and take responsibility and nurture all the moments that connected you with your true nature. Throwing a bit of gratitude in the mix might lift your state of mind for starters!

Anonymous said...

I was close to both Baba and Gurumayi as a child and teenager. I just heard recently she disappeared.

This lack of integrity depresses me beyond words. It makes me question so much - how dare she walk away from such an honor, this lineage she walks away from has affected so many throughout the world. I am angry, I can't imagine Baba would have wanted this in his legacy!

But I gave up on what she made SDYA into a long time ago...


Anonymous said...

Happy Gurupurnima, my fellow seekers, skeptics, & devotees. I wish to share a little about my story and to say thanks for creating this blog site. I met Gurumayi at SF ashram in 1992, I was 19 years old, and I had been meditating and practicing yoga for about 2 years on my own. I remember sitting in Shakti Mandap, surrounded by a sea of scintillating devotees, the pink and blue lights glowing softly, the chant rising and falling, pulsing, Gurumayi's voice calling out to us. My heart suddenly broke open, like an egg that just cracked, and I started weeping, like I had never wept before. I couldn't understand what was happening, all I knew is that I felt this ancient aching in my heart, like a sadness & a joy, and a longing all at once. I remember leaving the ashram, and everything around me seemed to glow like crystalline light. I felt the purity and sweetness of my own heart, my own being. I would look at Gurumayi's and Baba's pictures and feel a familiarity, an ache, a longing, a resonance, a feeling that I am penetrated, that I can laugh at myself and love myself, that I am good. I would look into other devotees eyes, and feel this same resonance, this feeling that we share a bond, we are a shakti-family.

Around year 2000, I organically shifted from practicing SY to Tibetan Buddhism. Both SY and Buddhism have always been dear to my heart, yet I have felt a need to ultimately choose one path. One thing that has always bugged me, that I have seen both with SY and Tibetan Buddhism, is a tendency for the practitioners to judge any other path as not being as valid a path to enlightenment. I personally feel that truth is too great to be conveyed through any one culture or spiritual path or practice... I resonate with many, in the same way that different relationships in my life mirror different parts of myself. I felt turned off by various aspects of SY, which over time became more prevalent to me... primarily, why did they charge so much for intensives? Where was that money going? It also bugged me that Gurumayi always had a mysterious air about her, not accessible and entirely human. I didn't like the rock-star/ groupie relationship that devotees had with her, and the inevitable comparing and jealousy and grasping that came up as a result. I also felt that a lot of our "humanness," our human psyches, our sexuality, our shadow parts, were not fully acknowledged or discussed, or allowed to be present. Things were a bit too neat and pat for me within the SY philosophy- any emotion or energetic expression was a "kriya" and everything difficult was always "purification." For those of us that did not find celibacy to be easy, it seemed we had to suppress our sexuality in order to live at the ashram, or else it would leak out in guilty ways (having sex on the roof at Gurudev Siddha Peeth- yikes, my secret is out!) It always just seemed that there were certain topics that were taboo, and healthy skepticism and questioning was definitely taboo.

So, eight years later, I rarely even think about Gurumayi and SY. I don't even have pictures of her in the house, and all my SY books are packed away in the garage. However, this morning of Gurupurnima, I dreamed about Gurumayi. I did not remember that it was Gurupurnima. I dreamed that I was at the ashram, a chant, maybe arati was about to begin, and we were waiting for Gurumayi to come. Suddenly someone next to me did a full length prostration, and someone said, "she's coming." We put our hands up into prayer position, and then she walked right by me, and stopped, looking right at me. She pointed at me and said, "You've been gone a long time. Where have you been?" I was shocked, and said, "You know that I've been gone?" How would Gurumayi possibly have recognized or remembered me. She said, "I know you've been gone, and the Shakti knows." I started to ask, "Should I stay here? What about Tibetan Buddhism?" When she turned and walked on.

Tonight I went to see Jai Uttal chanting kirtan at Kirtan Camp, and met a fellow Siddha Yoga devotee, which stirred this all up for me again, and I began to wonder, Where is Gurumayi? Which is how I found this site.

Anway, this is all very interesting to me. I really could believe anything at this point about SY, all sides of the picture seem valid and true... SY could be a big money-making scam, Gurumayi could be an authentic real-deal awakened-one, or maybe she took our money and retired in Jamaica, who knows? I do know that SY helped me to access my heart in ways that I didn't know existed prior. I know it introduced a way of recognizing the world as all one consciousness, all people are God, the heart is the hub of all sacred places. It is all based on very ancient and tried and true practices, Om Namah Shivaya does NOT belong to the Siddha Foundation.

I am curious about what happened to Gurumayi- why would she pre-record a New Year's talk? Why would the SY Foundation be so mysterious about her whereabouts if there were not something to cover up?

Anonymous said...

I was involved with SY at a UK ashram from 1989, and found the teaching much in tune with my eclectical spiritual learning from elsewhere. I did learn from it.

However, I finally left a couple of years later after a TV link of GM from Ganeshpuri to a large meeting in London. I was appalled when, following her message, where she concluded by telling us to seek the inner guru, and certainly "not" to worship her; the entire audience arose and danced and chanted in adoration of her!!!

No wonder she has to do things like disappear for a while.
I left SY at that point.

There is a lot of spiritual deception in this world, mostly promulgated by the "followers" of an enlightened person. They then ( sometimes unconciously) corrupt the truth to enable them to manipulate others.

The Christian churches have been doing it for 2,000 years. They told lies about virgin birth, resurrection, ascension, transubstantiation, (and consequent cannibalism) and deification of a man who never made such claims for himself. Indeed they still do this today, deceiving millions of believers.

The kingdom of heaven is within, but most are too lazy to seek it there.

Meditation is the way to Inner Peace. Over decades this may produce individual enlightenment; provided one lives in the present moment, not expecting, or even hoping for it.

Insofar as SY teaches meditation, it does good. That there is also corruption within it, is only the human condition.

vikas said...

I have been practising Siddha Yoga for 28 years and love that Gurumayi is not available as a public commodity. As a young student i could not afford to go and see Baba as he travelled around the globe, so my focus was on the practices,and I saw him and spent time with hm on the inside. It was truly wonderful. As a result I have continued to enquire into the guru principle ie the guru being alive in the world and all of creation and the practices as my means of tuning in at a deep level. I love the gurus of this path and have never felt closer to them as I have this year. I get an immense amount out of studying and contemplating the guru's words and my study group, I do a lot of seva and find my experience of that extraordinary. I am constantly challenged by my mind, doubts and what life throws up for me to deal with... however the practices, the teachings and sangham help keep me focused on what really sustains and maintains a good and fulfilling life: the love within. I have never felt closer or more connected to my love for Gurumayi and her love and care for me. The love Baba spoke of and the promise of Siddha Yoga as a path to being deeply connected to an extraordinary love is certainly coming true for me. I am trmendously grateful for all I am receiving.
It hasn't always been that way. I have been through times where I really questioned, doubted, feared and held strong judgement about and against what I saw was going on in SY, and on many occasions felt like leaving SY... and spent many years practising on my own and in my own way... and then about 14 years ago I made a big commitment to the inner light and began to deepen my enquiry into the real nature of the mind, heart and love at the essence of life... and as a result I was drawn like a magnet back into the core of my Shaktipat connection: a profound experience of love and understanding, a deep sense of being in the presence of my own inner love, my own inner light.
My experience now is that I know who I am I know where I am at.
I see myself and life as a web of complexities challenges strange mysteries... I can see the` awesome power of my mind and how it can lead me so far from the quintessential experience of love and compassion at the core of life... and I am challenged by this on a daily basis. I see this mind and viewpoint is my own, and I work with it.
So if i was to answer where is Gurumayi? Where is Baba? Where is Bhagawan?
I can see them on my walls. I can feel their presence in my heart. I see them every time I sit to meditate. I feel their love and warmth as I move through the day.
And I am humbled, grateful and mystified by this great gift.
I do not have the mind to understand how this works... but then again, I don't understand how an egg gets boiled either... i just know I am being cooked by a profound and inner love... and well, I just love it. What a blessed thing to have in my life.

Anonymous said...

The truth is inside you. One does not need a Guru to be at peace.
Meditate and be compassionate.
Do good works to others. Take good
care of yourselves and of the world. Look after the earth.
The Divine is within all of us.
Practice kindness at all times.

Best regards

Anonymous said...

Followers of Gurumayi, write on Google "The brother of Gurumayi", under "images" and you can follow this account of the terrible things that have happened to this guru. Thanks. Best to ask for her repentance and for her to become a normal person. She is too young to lead this organization and too immature, suffused in the wrong teachings. These are incorrect teachings. Follow Jesus or Buddha or Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

Anonymous said...

I've been in SY on and off since 1991 and still consider it my spiritual path. I go through months without chanting or meditating and I feel guilty when I don't. I used to visit the center every month (2 hr commute for me), but I haven't been in over 8 months. My father, who introduced me into SY, says that GM is away and allowing us to visit the true Guru which is inside us all. That is where she lives and we can communicate with her there at all times. That feels ok I suppose, but I do wish I could hear her talk again in the physical form and see her on live events.

Even when I consider other spiritual paths such as Christianity or Buddhism I ask myself why? SY makes the most sense and the teachings really "click" inside of me, but I don't know why I can't get into it anymore??

Anonymous said...

The person who posted this, along with those who agree with this persons post, are indeed sick. You people don't know the true meaning of prayer, and are just thinking that it will "just happen", and everything will be bliss in ones empty life.

God exists, GM is not God, but she is a Guru. Sounds like some on this blog don't know the difference. That is an important point. One should be able to pray on their own, and with a guru. But, a lot of you don't know the basis of Hinduism, yoga, etc, so that's why you may feel this way.

I really wish you all well, and by the way, to the idiot who posted the original comment named "seek her", you shouldn't use the word "He*l", especially when talking about a person of faith...didn't your mother teach you anything at all? I doubt it.

Also, "...just be honest and kind..." according to you, but your words and tone is not. Quite hypocritical, don't you think? If you are getting so mad about a few times a Guru hasn't showed up, then I suggest you go down to your local yoga center and just meditate there. You might get upset if the center's owner closes down for a few days for holiday.

Jai Shri Krishna, Jai Shria Ram

Anonymous said...

I met Swami Muktananda in 1981 in Santa Monica and had a consciousness expanding experience that I have read others describe with pinpoint accuracy. I spent as much time as I could meditating with him and practicing meditation. Over the years my practices faded but not my love and memory of my profound experiences. I went to South Fallsburg in 1999 and participated in an intensive with Gurumayi with similar profound experiences. Again I meditated and my practice fell away. A few years ago I started looking for Gurumayi and was perplexed to find that she had disappeared. I have enjoyed reading this blog and I thank you for starting it. My wish is that what Baba gave so freely in the early days was still available to those who seek it. I always wanted to introduce my children to Baba or Gurumayi and that possibility appears to be gone for now.

Love to you all..

I was looking for Gurumayi because in her presence I am able to contact something within myself directly that is difficult to do on my own. Strangely, just reading this conversation about Siddha Yoga has cleared away a little mental dust.

Anonymous said...

I basically grew up in Siddha Yoga and my life has been colored by the love of the Guru all the way.
I've also had my doubts in these 18 years of sadhana. I have also read all that stuff on and see many people come and go over the years. Nonetheless I have seen very few Siddha Yoga students. People who take the teachings to heart. I mean it is easy to complain, it is easy to make statements about other people. Gurumayi hasn't gone anyway for true Siddha Yoga students. She is alive, very alive and present in our lives. Her teachings are the rays that guide us all the way. There are so many people who are in fact happy of these changes in Siddha Yoga. I mean Siddha Yoga in the 90's was "easy" to practice. There was an overflow of pouring in... but the fact is, very few people in fact DID sadhana... and I mean daily meditation, study of the teachings, seva, dakshina, chanting and so on. It was almost impossible to take all we received to a deeper level. It was so easy... we received love from Gurumayi in her physical form and all was ok, we thought we were real "siddha yogis". But what happens when Gurumayi asks us to take responsibility of our own sadhana? Suddenly everyone dissapears, seva is not worth doing if she is not physically there... if she can't smile at you and make you feel important. Before criticizing the SYDA and the rest of the world, including Gurumayi... why don't you take a close look at your capacity to be a student, to imbibe the teachings. Gurumayi has been repeating over the past years that we need to assimilate and apply the teachings to our lives. What is the use of seeing her all the time if we don't follow her teachings? Baba did his sadhana intensely during 9 years with total devotion, every single day with the certitude that the command of his Guru was going to bear fruit. But you can't plant bananas and expect mangoes to grow!
As soon as Gurumayi doesn't show up at your whim then you start doubting about your Guru. Why don't you doubt about your capacity to be a disciple!?
There is so much we have received already what else do we need?? And still there is A LOT we can do. There is the Home Study course, the focus of study for each year, study guides, the Mahasamadhi intensive and so much more.
There are 10000s of ways to connect to your Guru... be creative! The point of Siddha Yoga is to recognize the presence of God WITHIN. So why all this fuss about where is Gurumayi?! You know it... she is in your heart!
And by the way her physical form is in SMA. I know that from many students who are on staff there right now. But yes, the focus is not on her but on OUR sadhana.
My 2 cents on the discussion!
Good luck to all... and BE HAPPY! Jaya Shri Gurumayi!

Kate said...

My first 'life' was prior to shaktipat - lost, confused and searching.

My second 'life' began with this tremendous awakening from Neem Karoli Baba (who wasn't in his body at the time). Gurumayi 'called' me in in 1983 as I needed a living teacher.

I left SY in 1993 or so, drifted away really. For ten years I was a Gurumayi bhakti, living in Ashrams, intensely doing the practices, not questioning and putting my faith in the Siddha path. So many beautiful experiences of who I am at the core. So many experiences of hell also, particularly the SY culture in various ashrams. I can express a SY truism in that 'the shakti lead me to go'.

My third 'life' began after leaving SY. I explored what was within me without any hand rails. I was desperate at that time in that I felt that i had lost God, lost love, and had been abandoned, but I wanted to know what was here, without belief, without structure. I wanted to know what was true, and I still do. A freedom descended that I had not experienced in SY. The path of healing and wholeness unfolded before me over the next fifteen years, and what a delight they have been. What was felt to be lost or abandoned was found to be always here, quite unlosable even in our/God's little game of hide and seek. I have been able to question everything and I have found the process wonderful! I have gratefully sat with various teachers that have appealed to me at the time, and opened me to new ways of looking at life and the Divine.

Once, when i was in Central Australia in the desert, I dreamt of Gurumayi after many years of having not. I asked her in the dream how I could be closer to her. She smiled at me and said 'you're independent'. And i am, dependent on the 'in'.

I have found that the mind needs exercise and questioning makes it limber, and that all paths find me at the Divine mothers feet within this One's heart. What an incredibly blessed life. To see and feel the Shakti that is moving and creating all that is around and within - how amazing! This joy that arises as my true nature. I have found that the 'ego' is a lousy enemy and a playful friend/vehicle for the Divine. What a great blessing to have left SY (or did SY leave me?? - doesn't matter which way).

What do I miss about SY? I miss living with a large group of wonderful people from all over the earth - i know, all going thru various stages of kriyas, delusions and powertrips, but very lovable anyway. I miss the group chants - i love chanting and still chant regularly (i must admit that i don't like the GG anymore - started to feel like a chain around my neck) - but love the fast chants and toning (slow OM's). I miss doing seva together - being in the dishroom and letting rip with a good chant was wonderful! I still do seva in various ways in this life, and feel service is an incredible key to happiness (if really done freely and not because I feel any compulsion to do it).

But now, the SY community has expanded to become the world, and chanting is in several different languages and from different traditions. Meditation could mean losing myself in the bliss i feel when i contemplate the creation/creator, or seeing/feeling the light that i am moving up and down the body.

I feel free to just live life and enjoy the creation. I certainly feel free to deeply appreciate what SY and Gurumayi gave me. I am fortunate that I left SY before Gurumayi left it, although there seems to be contradictory stories there - don't know which are accurate there. SY has had an incredible impact on my life - that is why i am here writing this stuff. There is so much conditioning that comes with the SY path, and personally i've found a lot of it very good to leave behind. Trust yourself and follow your heart and your joy. All love, Kate

Anonymous said...

I can't believe when people like Kate say Gurumayi has left Siddha Yoga! It makes me laugh and it amazes me at the same time!
Just because Gurumayi is as present in her physical form as she used to, it doesn't mean she has left SY.
As someone mentioned before, she wants us to take responsibility of our sadhana. Be real students and committed practitioners of her teachings. I think that she wants us to understand the deeper meaning of the Guru principle in our lives.
She is still giving every year her guidance and this year in particular we are celebrating Baba's legacy and studying her message.
And by the way Stuart I disagree completely with your "truth". You say that "Yeah, SYDA and the gurus gave us ideas and suggested practices that helped provide some people with very nice feelings. Nice feelings come and go. Clinging to or chasing after nice feelings is no good. Better to question and examine deeply the truth of this moment."
It makes me laugh, because if you study Baba's and Gurumayi's words and teachings you'll see that it is not about "nice feelings". It is about finding the knowledge of the Truth. The truth with a capital T. That truth is well beyond the fluctuations of the mind and of the feelings that come and go. The Self, according to the Siddha Yoga tradition, is eternal, unchanging and transcendental.
So no, the mission of SYDA and of Gurumayi is not to provide you with "nice feelings", in fact the transformation of the ego is not always a very "nice feeling".
So again, if you study the message for this year, you'll see that there is much more in this path than just the surface. Once you really connect with your sadhana and study, assimilate and apply the teachings, I can guarantee you that positive transformation will take place in your life. BUT, you have to participate in the process. The Guru is no magician that will come with a magic stick and solve your life and make you have "nice feelings". Sadhana is work... that is why it is called Siddha Yoga PATH... because you have to walk it!!
I love you Gurumayi!
Thank you for all these wonderful years!
- A Siddha Yoga Student

Anonymous said...

Bade prem se aur sanmaan se sab ka haardik swaagat.

mujhe samajh mein nahi aa raha hai aap log kyun fikar kar rahe hain. jab Gurumayi vaapas aana chaahegi to vo zaroor aayegi. kya Bhagavan Nityananda bhi aisa nahi karte the? Maine sunaa hai ki vo unke kamre mein jaake kisi se baat nahi ki kuch mahine ke liye. Isliye, humen to humaara saadhana karte hi rehna hai; hameshaa aage badhte rehna! Haan main maanta hoon ki Gurumayi ke bina aap log udaas hue hain. Main bhi udaas hoon. Lekin jo Gurumayi kar rahi hai mujhe yakeen hai ki vo humaare liye achcha hoga. Jitna prem humen hai Gurumayi se, utna se zyaada bhi prem karti hai Gurumayi humse. Humen to drudha bharosa rakhna chaahiye. Bhagavan to hamesha humaare paas hai; arre Vo to humaare saanson mein bhi rehta hai aur kya chaahiye? Agar vishwaas hai, to Bhagavan humaara khayaal rakhega; Vo kabhi humko akela nahi chhod dega. Isliye, mein kehta hoon ki aap log fikar na kijiye. Vaise ho jaayiye jo Bhagavan ko pasand mein aata hai. Gurumayi to mera Bhagavan hai to mere liye, jo Gurumayi ko pasand mein aata hai vo ho jaane de. Mujhe aasha hai ki jo maine yahi likha hai vo aapko kuch naye soch denge. Gurumayi ne humko sahi raasta dikhaaya hai. Guru Gita mein hum gaate hain:

Andhakaara se humen nikaala
dikhalaaya hai amara ujaala

Gurumayi vahi Sadguru hai humaari jo humen geheraa andheron se nikaal diya hai. Yeh swayam Bhagavan hai; ek sant jo ek
"human" shareer mein basi hai. Shaayad aap log nahi maan lenge meri baatein lekin mujhe lagta hai ki jo mujhe kehna tha maine pura keh diya.

Apna khayaal rakhna!
Akhanda Naama-smarana!
Sadgurunaath Maharaj Ki Jaya!

Anonymous said...

mera dost (aur shayad meri sakhi), apke shabdon ke liye bahut bahut dhanyavad!!!
maim bhi aisa sochta hum! meri jaan hi sirf mere Gurudev ke liye hai!

jay shri Gurumayiji ho!
sadgurunaath mahaaraaj ki jay!

Anonymous said...

Who's Gurumayi? Please, anyone...?

Anonymous said...

Dude it's called google, use it.

Anonymous said...

"Seekher" posted this blog Oct 14, 2007.
The first response was Oct 14, 2007 by a fella named "Stuart".
"Seekher" & "Stuart" are one and the same person.
Stuart is also Stuart Resnick.
Stuart Resnick has obsessed over SY & Gurumayi more than any devotee.
Resnick has multiple posts allover the internet regarding SY.
What's up Stuart?

Anonymous said...

I wonder why you are still enchanted with Gurumayi. If you are truly disenchanted, then what's up with this blog. The story I have chosen to tell myself about Gurumayi, is that she is actually meditating and working at being a siddha. She is no longer willing to let her devotees suck all her energy and has chosen to close down Siddha Disneyland. I believe she was taken in as a young woman by the westerners who were running the Syda Foundation. I tell myself the problem is with the foundation not with the message. If you gave your power over to the guru, that seems like a personal problem. Maybe instead you should be practicing some sadhana and work on the blocks in the kundalini.

Since I don't really know what is happening, I have chosen a positive story. I still do my practices, read the sacred texts and have chosen to no longer fund the Syda Foundation.

Anonymous said...

Dear Ones did you all miss the point ? Didnt Gurumayi give her all to us ? Didnt she give all of her youth and best years and what makes you think she could give us anymore ive never known any one to show such love and generosity with wisdom as she has ...our plates are full its time to digest that gift she passed on to us . If we think we deserve more then ask youselves what did we give and sacrifice by comparison to her.. in ancient days devotees walked on their knees for days up mountains to see such a teacher and yet she gave her love so freely and without conditions. If you think its about money you are deluded and missed the point Gurumayi has sacrificed her life for us and I know for certain that She is a Sadguru just likie all the Gurus that preceded her and who suffered the doubts and persecutions of doubters ..... sigh ... even kabir and hafiz and so many others had their share of sceptics, May god reveal himself to you as She Has
much love Devon

Anonymous said...

It's funny how many of the active Siddha Yogis responding to Gurumayi's disappearance on this blog are saying that she just wants her students to "find the Guru within"; she wants them to "not be dependent on the external form of the Guru"; she wants her students to "focus on the Shakti within" and she's "separating the Bhaktis from the boys". Many of these commentors have a sarcastic tone which subtly or overtly ridicules those who post here, wondering "where the hell" Gurumayi is.

Maybe these commentors are new to Siddha Yoga, or else maybe they have simply forgotten, but for most of the years of Gurumayi's Guru-ship, the PR department has been cranking out messages non-stop, proclaiming the absolutely CRUCIAL importance of having an active, PHYSICAL Guru in one's life for success in sadhana. This message was stated and restated in a hundred thousand different ways: YOU MUST HAVE ACCESS TO A PHYSICAL GURU! That was the whole point of Siddha Yoga; the whole point of Baba Muktanada appointing successors.

Muktananda was active till the very last days of his life: giving shaktipat, meeting with devotees, and embodying the personal, physical form of the Guru. Bagawan Nityananda did the very same thing right up to the last days of his life. And when Gurumayi succeeded Muktananda, she did the same -for a while. Then she stopped giving "the touch." Then she stopped giving darshan. Then she withdrew completely. Gurumayi, the "Perfect Siddha Master", who, "by a mere thought, touch, word, look" could give you shaktipat initiation, had withdrawn from meeting with the public.

So yes, people are wondering where the hell she is. And no, we do not buy this flimsy excuse that she is merely trying to "point us inward" with her disappearance. Look around: the world still needs help; The world still needs physical, available, personal, "Perfect Siddha Masters." If there are any. Look at Ammachi; she is older than Gurumayi, and yet she still personally meets (and hugs) thousands of people every every day.

If Muktananda hadn't intended to have a successor who was actually physically available, then why do you think he appointed successors in the first place??? Why didn't he just say to worship his photo and find the Guru within?

So, yes, there are manifuld, glaring inconsistencies in Siddha Yoga today, and that is why so many people are disaffected, angry, and most of all: deeply hurt. All current, active Siddha Yogis posting here would do well to cut the sarcastic, ridiculing tone from their postings.

To active Siddha Yogis: My experience is that there is still a lineage of disembodied Masters still very much active in Siddha Yoga, and still transmitting Shakti to students, regardless of Gurumayi's spiritual state or physical whereabouts. So yes, active students of Siddha Yoga, go for it, you will be supported. If you choose to ignore the gigantic inconsistencies in the Ashrams and centers of Siddha Yoga, I commend you for your "one pointed devotion." As Gurumayi used to tell the story: whenever we meditate one-pointedly on a beloved object, even if it is a beloved pet goat, that meditation will bear fruit.

I wish peace and understanding to all who currently practice, or formerly practiced Siddha Yoga. This includes Gurumayi and her brother.

Leandro from Argentina said...

Hi everyone.
I believe that true gurus exist.But I think that is so hard to find them that we should concentrate in the inner meditation and not in the search of an intermediary. Most of people, including me when I was young, always are in a search of somebody who can "awake" them.
I am not an anti-guru, but the true is that we can be easily fooled.

I only trust in facts and self-experience, I must experience the spirit myself, I trust that I can find God without an intermediary.

I want to Experience God myself and I don't need that anybody tell me about him, I want to see and feel it myself

Thanks for this Blog.

Leandro from Argentina said...

Sri Paramahansa Yogananda told a story about his Paramguru Swami Lahiri Mahasayha who initiated a student in the holy science of Kriya yoga in his dreams.
What is the limit of God and his saints ?
I'm sure that the gurus can hear us and , of course, they can initiate us without their physical presence.

God bless you.

Unknown said...

While this is all interesting, we are not focusing on the right thing. The true guru is within, the higher self. I KNOW this to be true! Do not get caught up in the drama and rumors. They are not important and just give the mind more to get lost in. Gurumayi is my beloved guru and I trust she would not do anything to harm Siddha Yoga or her devotees. Like I honor her, she honors Baba Muktananda, who entrusted to her his gem of Siddha Yoga.

Gurumayi is beginning to do something new and exciting in Siddha Yoga. Yes, her methods are different than any previous gurus and masters, but everything happens for the best. The Siddha Yoga message for 2003: TRUST!


cognominal said...

I went many times at the oakland ashram and was amazed at
the faith of the people there. I went to a course to learn meditating and I had some genuine experience. So I decided to go further.

I spent an month doing the 1992 summer intensive.
What I was sold? An opportunity to get the teaching of a living guru.
It was implied that the whole session would be directed by gurumayi.
In fact during the intensive, we hardly saw her. Probably 4 hours to 6 hours at most in the whole month. That was a scam, plain an simple.

But as any scam, one has trouble to admit he was swindled.
WE WANT TO BELIEVE. Also, we live in a world where everything
is oversold. But that should probably not happen for spiritual things.
Quite the opposite, we want so much to find _the_ path that we
are born suckers for the first seducing crap we come across.
We escape the religion we were raised from to choose something
exotic enough to please our fancy.

So, I had to read the stuff in the New Yorker to open my eyes.

But back at the ashram...
Many things made me ill at ease. We were constantly asked to
buy books and other stuff. Also we were repeatedely said not
to listen gossips about the guru. Not that I heard any, but eventually I got thinking : is there anything she want to hide? What is all this stuff about
image control?

There was a seducing mumbo-jumbo about trantic shivaism
but the main message, and the real one, was very simplistic. It boiled
to "If I had faith on her" everything would shine. I should crush my
ego but somehow I felt that she should crush her own too so surrounding to her felt very dangerous.

One day of the intensive, I attended a mass where everyone had to bow at her feet and I had the curious impression that she paid more attention to the people who somehow could bring here more power and money. Also, she had
a smile placated on her face, but I somehow felt she was bored.
But then again, I remembered the subliminal message brought in so many disguised way : If the guru does not pay attention to you, you are not worthy
and you should try harder to crush you ego.
This stuff about crushing one ego was constantly repeated. Over and over.
Somehow it reminded me the catholic "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you,"
which made me secretly cringe.

Somehow I remembered about Louis XIV and his courtisans who
spent all their time to try to capt the attention of the king. I knew
that this ritual was a way for the king to control the nobles.

So I left the New York ashram very insatisfied and ashamed of myself. And I felt
somehow unworthy. As a result, I did not voice my doubts to anyone.
May be most of the people at the intensive felt like me but did shut
up their feelings.

I had to go back in Europe, so I left this SYDA stuff.

Now I understand I have been manipulated by a money making machine.
A probably genuine tradition has been turned over its head and this is very dangerous
because the "traditional" stuff hides the real nature of the SYDA organisation.
The people who taught me meditation at the oakland ashram were genuine
and I feel doubly sorry for them. They follow a fake guru and lead more
people to her.

As for gurumayi, it seems that she got enough money and does not care
about the SYDA. For all I know, in 1992, she was not even doing the bare minimum to pretend what she was said to be. So I am not surprised to
learn she has vanished. But I am surprised that everything has not immediately collapsed behind her. It means that people around her knew everything but felt in their interest to continue the scam. Were they bent
from the start or did they become so under her influence. Either way,
I feel that any kind of power has a corruptive power. One comment
says "Maybe they act out of mistaken loyalty to some idea about spirituality. ".
so they may be sincere after all. But corruption, there is, if only of their

What I learned? That the best people can be fooled. Also there is the mass effect, where you are caught among many people alile. you are lead to think and behave as they do. This can be great because there is an amplifying effect,
but one have to choose carefully the events to attend.
Also, as often with power, the head is corrupt when many of its followers
are sincere. Often, you can't judge the head because you can't directly interact
with her but the behavior of the close entourage tells you much if you pay attention.

Trust your feelings, if you feel you don't belong somewhere, act accordingly.
Don't feel unworthy. Share your feelings especially if somehow you are asked
to repress them. If this lead to a clash, you probably are in the wrong crowd.
Or you will discover you are not the only one to doubt, maybe for a good reason. Find people worthy instead.

And bless Internet that let dissident voices to be heard. That's reconforting
in a world that constantly tries to format people one way or another.

Ho. And finally. Sorry for my French :)

aed3 said...


It would be nice if she and her representatives introduce the virtue of honesty as the "something new and different."

Anonymous said...

After reading many of these comments, I am overcome with desire to share that I lived in the Ashram for over 3 years, and didn't have any of the negative experiences of Gurumayi ever. I was continually amazed and blown away by her loving responses. I had many "miracles" when in her presence and could never forget them. She is without doubt the truest person I have met. I don't think it's wise to speculate on's just mind stuff. Just do your best to live life with love. I have no doubt she would love everyone to do that.

Anonymous said...

Be vigilent about keeping your mind and actions clean. Remember that you are responsible for your own sadhana, for your growth.
Spend more time contemplating yourself and what you can do to get closer to self realization.
Gurumayi, like you, has a right to freedom, to solitude, to just being. She has changed my life, and the lives of many people I love. What more should I expect from her? What more can I ask? How can I expect her to give me enlightenment if I'm not willing to dedicate myself completely to the practices? Why would I demand her physical presence in my life? Why would I expect her to be a certain way for me? She never made me a promise to stay in my life. She never told me she will love and approve of me if I act a certain way; why should I treat her in that manner?
I know that my spiritual progress lies in my hands. Gurumayi's words and presence have been an amazing enrichment in my life. The rest is up to me.
It amazes me the demands you have on her. Please accept that Gurumayi doesn't owe you anything. Accept that she is a human being, living her life, and whatever time you spent with her was because you looked for her, you decided to be with her. She didn't find you and beg you to be in her life, she didn't come to you demanding that change her life.

Mystic Woman said...

Vedanta and Shaivism are available in many writings and teachings and there are several teachers today in the USA that are teaching exactly what SYDA teaches in essence. To focus your desires on one human body is limiting to your growth and it is interesting to see how many people are crying about not having her body available to thier senses.

Those who understand the teachings seem to be continuing in thier pursuits. I think it may be pointless to try to speak to those who are confounded by her "absence". As Baba often said, it takes less than a second to "get it" that God is being you already.

cognominal said...

About the post August 15 2009

You have been brainswashed or you are part of the Syda businees. The "or" is not an exclusive one.
All the marketting about Gurumayi is raising money by promising special moments with her or mediated by here. If the terms were more specific that would be a breach of contract because nothing implied ever happened.
Now to the spiritual sphere, as "guru", she pretended to engage in some sort of crusade, so she has a responsibility to the people who follow her and give her time and money in the naive hope to be helped in their spiritual path.

All the crap you peddle is that people owe her everything but she owes nothing to anyone. We must hail her a a guru but she can act as the average person.
The message is clear, you can go on your spirtitual path, but better without her and Syda.
Anyway for we know, she may as well be dead but that would not be convenient for the SYDA business.

Thank you so much for exemplifying one more time the culpabilization process going in the SYDA. This is a way to assert power over people not a way to help them toward any kind of accomplishment.

Vic Odd said...

It amazes me how people search for flaws in others. There is especially a tendency in the limited human ego to look for imperfections in those who are touted as advanced or enlightened. This is a self protection mechanism to keep us from going down the wrong path. With all that is engrained in us by western culture about false gurus, dangerous cults and brainwashing, there are plenty of pre existing conditions that enable the mind to be skeptical. When I was new to Siddha yoga, at times I watched closely to every movement of the Guru, listened attentively to every word, at times watching her like a hawk as if to make sure she was 'the real deal'. It was as if I was waiting for her to slip up or show some form of egotism, anything contradictory to her teachings or her reputation. This was a game I played with myself, my busy mind and limited ego were going through a screening process to either validate or invalidate the credibility of the 'Perfected One'. Funny how I could accept my friends and family (and myself) as being 'only human' but The Guru somehow had to be beyond all that. Reflecting back at those moments, I realize that those were not the times I was feeling an abundance of shakti. When judging or screening the legitimacy of the Guru my mind was active, my focus was external, and I was certainly not 'vibrating' with love and supreme self awareness.

However, it was when my mind was still, fully absorbed in the shakti, and free from all limited egotistic narcissism that the blisswaves prevailed. My point is this: When you daydream about all the ways the Guru is 'letting you down', abandoning you, 'running off with the money', what does that do for you? Is it helping you experience joy? If you learned anything from Siddha Yoga, didn't you learn a little bit about human consciousness in that the nature of the mind is limited? Pure, conscious self awareness (in duration) free from thoughts, fear, judgements, etc. is what enables one to experience true sattvic happiness and samadhic joy. Bickering about the intentions of the Guru will not get you high. It keeps you dense and thick with the weight of limited awareness that prevents higher states of consciousness. If that is where you prefer to be, continue your arguments.

SeekHer said...

"My point is this: When you daydream about all the ways the Guru is 'letting you down', abandoning you, 'running off with the money', what does that do for you? Is it helping you experience joy? Bickering about the intentions of the Guru will not get you high. It keeps you dense and thick with the weight of limited awareness that prevents higher states of consciousness. If that is where you prefer to be, continue your arguments."

Odd, Vic, but if you looked at any more of this blog besides this post you'd see that the arguments pro and con continued for quite some time. You might want to read on a little--if you can come down off of your "high" state of consciousness long enough to grapple with facts and opinions counter to your own experience, which you so neatly wrapped up for us in this passive-aggressive saturday night satsang share.

Anonymous said...

I AM Philip

I spent almost 2 years in Ganeshpuri,1998/2003 on and off and for me it was some of the most rewarding time spent in my life. Whether Gurumayi was there or not, was not the issue. The Shakti there is tangible and transforming, also with the many wonderful souls I met there it was a very rewarding experience, and I can assure you, not without it's challenges (which always had gifts in their hands).
To me it is the intention and actions of the individual that decides what is received and the speed of growth, and this applies to any dicipline.
I naturally began to drift away from Gurumayi in around 2003/4 as I felt that I lost the Heart connection I had with her that I had enjoyed for the previous 4 or more years.
And just as a little continuation of the story of my journey, I reconnected with Jesus (much to my surprise) after an Ayahuasca ceremony near Iquitos, Peru in Oct. 2004 and 'stumbled over' the Ask Real Jesus .com Teachings almost immediately on returning to Iquitos.
For a time in our lives we need Teachers, for example, you do not learn the violin quickly by teaching it to yourself. Normally you go through various Teachers until the time comes when (ideally) you surpass the Teacher, and this is how it should be also on the spiritual path. We take the best and leave the rest...and even the experience of a 'bad' Guru can still teach you the lesson of Discernment... though some can use such an experience to wallow in the illusion of 'victim' and reject ALL other spiritual Teachings.
I know that this is not the case with you SeekHer and I have no doubt that your self-exploring and honest questioning will take you higher.
I don't know or honestly care where Gurumayi is, She is for me the Real Deal, and I am simply grateful for the time I spent in her Ashram, in her presence and the many friends I have today that I met there.

Enjoy the Journey


~ Philip

SeekHer said...


thank you for commenting> I, too have found Jesus again as well as the other holy ones of my family's tradition. I love that your name is Philip, like one of the patron saints of my mothers' family: St. Philip Neri---who was undoubtedly a siddha.

peace be with you, brother

Anonymous said...

Querido Compañero me asombras, totalmente, me asombras... leo:

Este blog es una búsqueda constante no sólo para obtener información sobre el paradero de Gurumayi, sino señales de que el yoga he practicado bajo su dirección durante los últimos veinte años es un verdadero camino.

Si no tenias señales, que practicaste estos 20 y por que?

Te comprendo, recapitula a tus experiencias, y consigue la paz.

Un abrazo.


SeekHer said...

Dear Rama:

Gracias, gracias. My Spanish is non-existent, I'm afraid, but I entered your comment into the "free translation" website and got enough of an idea that you find this site helpful. Please consider writing a letter to Gurumayi to be posted here, with all that you are feeling and experiencing on the path right now in the absence of the physical Guru. I will post it in Spanish and anonymously if you like.


Charlie said...

I have found this thread to be very healing.

I have a strong desire to explore a present relationship with my Siddha Yoga Family. I met Baba in 1974 after a friend that met Baba in 1970 introduced me.

Linda and I went to Ganeshpuri in 1978, shortly after we were married. The family thought we were crazy and we were. We were crazy about God and I was a little crazy about Linda too. I had a "Shakti / Bhakti" experience in the upper garden with Baba while Linda looked on, smiling in Her knowing way.

I stopped attending SYDA programs in the late 80's and started visiting Ammachi in the early 90's. I am currently an "on and off" community service coordinator for The Hugging Saint".

I will be attending Guru Gita tomorrow morning for the first time in several years. I am curious about reconnecting with "Baba's Energy" as well as the essence of my departed wife, Linda. I could use some mind altering chanting too!

Anonymous said...

she left. she left you behind. has anyone read the needy drivel posted here? "she can initiate you without being present" "she (by being absent) is teaching you a new form of yoga" etc etc....she has enough money and surely a retinue of hanger-ons who will continue to hang on as long as the money holds out (and from what i have read that will be a very long time.) so why bother anymore putting up with needy stalkers like yourselves? could YOU stand it?

SeekHer said...

Anon 6/11

I doubt I could stand being in the same room with you for 5 minutes.

Anonymous said...

Ahh, remember the days in the old SMA... we used to laugh alot. I used to dream about her always. It is rare for me now, but nothing will erase my gratitude for the experiences I had when in her presence.

For me, the only hell is forgetting that the connection is available if I want to use it. Love is simple.
Is that trite? Is that SYDA PR lingo? Frankly, that doesn't matter. For me, it is truth. As she is. I never paid a dime before she opened the door of insight. If she is on a long holiday, good for her, may it be sunny and full of mango juice! XX Valentine

Anonymous said...

Where is Gurumayi?

Recently I saw her shopping for hats at macy's with her husband. Kids were there too...

Anonymous said...

je remercie Gurumayi pour m'avoir brûler l'Ego en 3 semaines à Ganeshpuri et je chante tous les jours la GURU GITA et le MaHa Mantra ONS en m'accompagnant avec un harmonium 3 voies
C'est tous les jours une expérience
merveilleuse, et mon taux vibratoire augmente de plus en plus en Unités Bovie.
Sat Gurunath Maharaj KI Jay

Denise said...

We all long for God to merge with God. Many of us made the mistake of looking at Gurumayi as a bestower of experiences rather than as a teacher. Our mistake!
She, in her wisdom, kicked us out to learn how to seek the God within on our own, building our own self-sustaining muscles. She is true to the intent; God bless her. I will bless her every day of my life.

Anonymous said...

Any attainments l might have acquired during my years in Siddha Yoga, and there were many, mirror exactly the things l hear from anyone on any spiritual path. The 'magic' seems to happen when human beings gather together with love and support. Since l had never experienced this before in my life l felt that it was unique to this path, this Guru and l was encouraged to think like this because l was buying books, tapes, cd's, malas, shawls etc etc. In other words l was enabling this organization to continue to spread the idea that they had exclusive rights to our internal mysticism. The practices of Siddha Yoga have been put together from many sources and do not belong exclusively to them - the mantra that they told me was exclusive to them is not and you can hear it on any Indian street. That is not to say that it is not a powerful mantra - just that it was not theirs to sell.
I remember a talk that Gurumayi gave shortly after she ousted her brother - she said something like - "l will be here for many many years yet, until l am old and wrinkled, a Guru is public property and l am not going anywhere"
Well who knows what is going on - l have read that she has left, that she is ill, one thing is for sure - she is not behaving like a loving parent - that was a line that was often used and that was the way we were encouraged to feel about her.
If one of your parents dropped off the radar without a word would you not feel betrayed or abandoned.
If she felt that her time was up for whatever reason then she should let us know, if she is ill then how cruel not to tell us. It does seem that whatever the reason is they are ashamed of it - hence the secrecy.
I know that l can look within for an experience of the Self but I don't want to hear that l should look within for my Guru when l spent whole chunks of my life singing about the importance of having a living one - read the translation of the text of the Guru Gita - it talks about giving your Guru everything he (or she) might need - it is definitely a song about a living Guru. So next time l am asked for dakshina (can't believe they still have the audacity) l will tell them to look within.
The way l look at it these days is that it was great when Siddha Yoga came into my life and it was great when it left and Gurumayi will have to live with her own karma - ironic isn't it !

Anonymous said...

Gurumayi, where are you? Don't you see our yearning hearts? Don't be so cruel and hide away, leaving us alone. Remember that Baba gave you mission? It was not a mission to hide away. I am hurt. Deeply hurt.

Anonymous said...

Hrydaya. I would like to know what is going on with Gurumayi. At the same time, I have broadened my life experiences. Gurumayi will always be my guru, just like my mother will always be my mother. There is also the mother-in-law, step-mother, play mother and mother of choice. I suppose if I went to the Ashram, I would better know, but I have my ashram at my home and in my body now. Thanks all. It was a very fine time. OMS.

Pearl said...

You have been practicing Siddha Yoga for more then twenty years and you still dont know where Gurumayi is! It is incredible that so many so called great timers dont get it. Stop writing crap about my Guru and get of you lazy backside and do your own work. You have shaktipat, you have the teachings but you have no idea. Self-effort and the Gurus grace are the two wings of a bird.

Pearl Davern

Anonymous said...

Why doesnt Pearl get off her sanctimonius high horse. People posting here have legitimate concerns and shouldnt be railroaded because they do so.

Janeene said...

I am a former Catholic (from birth) and was quite devoted to my spiritual practice during my teens. After college, for 8 years I was a Nichiren Shoshu Buddhist. When I realized that the organization had become more of a cult and was dominating the majority of my time and energy, I left. Like Catholicism, the sect purported to be the one and only path to salvation/enlightenment and world peace. I spent a few years in mourning like I had lost my faith and my family, but I knew in my heart that I had made the right decision. Some time later I accompanied a friend to the ashram in SF. I was entranced by Gurumayi but my gut was screaming "cult". I could not continue with this group. I married a Native American and also studied Wicca. I have sought a spiritual "home" in many places, yet no one felt complete or the right fit. The interesting thing is that sometimes when my experiences were very positive and fulfilling, things suddenly changed and I found myself needing to move on. I have come to the conclusion that the lessons we learn from a particular spiritual practice are possible in any context in any place with any guru or guide. The universe brings us opportunities to learn simply by seeking. Much anguish is created through attachment. Let go and let Spirit guide you. You can learn anywhere from anyone, everyone and no one, but always must trust your inner knowing for your own protection. We will need this flexibility, open mindedness and awareness as turmoil on earth increases. Gurumayi's greatest gift may have been to "abandon" you. Her intentions do not matter. Give thanks for her and all of your teachers, whatever the lesson. Each of you may have a different lesson, depending on what you need. Accept and move forward. Everything in life is transient except Spirit. My hope is that you may let go of your attachment, learn to forgive and move forward on your path. One more thing- given the recent events in Indonesia, Louisiana, Haiti, Australia, New Zealand and Japan, I believe that having practiced "seva" may serve to prepare us for things to come. Namaste.

Anonymous said...

she probaby needed to get laid.
celibacy is not necessary nor hipocrasy,,

i want to date her on the dl.. guru mayi lets hang out. if you see this , how about a date? i will keep it a secret ! 206-208-8041--call me baby

Anonymous said...

I'm just glad I left SY 14 years ago after noticing the neurotic attitudes of the people at the Oakland Ashram and Center in Santa Monica. Something just didn't feel right everytime I visited the ashram for the program or work in the bookstore.

When I finally met her in person, it finally became obvious that she (the slut) only wanted to relate to the white rich people. She will soon be joining Osama underwaters.

Anonymous said...


I attended an intensive with Gurumayi in 1989, and received Shaktipat. It was an amazing experience which I'll never forget. I will describe it further on. After that I attended meditation groups sort of regularly in two cities where I found myself over a couple of years.

I had another teacher (not a 'guru' in the Indian way) who was always for me the person who I looked up to the most (still is). He discouraged people from regarding him in that way, although the typical kinds of group dynamics were present to some degree. I always kept my distance from their 'inner circle' so as not to become involved in them. Because of my experience with them I knew to avoid 'guru worship', while still trying to learn what I could.

My feeling is that we are endowed with yearnings for perfection and holiness. Teachers and guides are able to help us have experiences along our way but our spiritual paths to God are our own.

The best will acknowledge this fact foster psychological independence and strength. This is what my teacher did and will always be grateful for that.

I should also add that I am a believer of the Way taught by Jesus Christ, but a member of no church by choice. Once I was asked to define myself spiritually and I called myself a Zen Christian.

Re: my experience of Shaktipat, I've read on some websites that this is an induced experience of Kundalini, but I don't know. To me it was extraordinary.

I had read about the Intensive but felt that I couldn't afford it. I thought about it as I rode in a bus and as I wondered the bus passed a bookstore. A photo of Muktananda was in the window. and I heard him say 'go' in my mind.

We were chanting in a large theatre with maybe a couple of hundred people. As I chanted I expereinced Kriyas, a spontaneous shaking of my body. I felt energy rising within me and encounter an obstacle, at the throat chakra, like something wanted to come out, a yell or scream. Meanwhile I imagined myself in another body, flying near the ceiling.

Then I felt like something burst within me. I felt a sensation of incredible peace, and at the same time my inner eye opened and I saw a world within as clearly as I see the physical world. I saw a shimmering sea, undulating waves of sparkling blue light,like a sea of stars. The name 'Ocean of Bliss' comes to mind. It was indescribably beautiful and as I said it was accompanied by a feeling of profound peace. I was in this place for some seconds, maybe a couple, maybe fifteen, I don't know. A contraction of consciousness followed as I thought 'I'm not worthy of this'.

Later in life I had many experiences of living in a meditative state in which I have felt such a state of peace. These I can attribute to what I learned from my other teacher, first of all. I have never again seen this sparkling sea of stars. It remains extraordinary to me.

One other experience I had: because of my initial experience with the photo, I bought a copy. Once I heard in my mind: put the photo under your pillow and you will have an experience. So I did and went to sleep. I awoke in the night from a dream and when I did I felt that I could see Muktananda in my room standing there for a few seconds.

I am sorry to hear of the experiences that others have had. These people are not perfect, and maybe they have led some on a false path. Remember your path remains your own, and ultimately you must try to make sense of it. In these times we must all learn to use our own spiritual compass, or as the Bible says: spiritual discernment.

Blessings to you.

Ananta said...

"gururva paramesvari anugrahika sakti"

Ananta said...

"gururva paramesvari anugrahika sakti" The Guru is the grace-bestowing power of God.
The Guru don't Need to be present ever. remember the tale of Eklavya in the Bagavad Gita.

best blessings to everyone

Anonymous said...

"Remember the tale of Eklavya in the Bagavad Gita."
If you are not an accomplished bowman or you can't spare a thumb, please send money to the SYDA foundation.
We don't know where is the guru; frankly we can't care less. But we, swamis, need to sustain our way of life. We got so much idle time without that bitch on our back and are fed up chanting the guru gita. How selfish of you thinking about the whereabout of gurumayi, your spiritual life or the constraint of real life when we try to milk what is left from the siddha yoga suckers. That is harder every year. And with Wall Street being every year more erratic, we are not even sure we can live with our stashed money if the SYDA swindle goes sour.

Don't you have any empathy, egotistic whiners?
We, too, betted on the wrong horse.

Anonymous said...

I am now just realizing how deep Gurumayi got into my soul. Recently I was asked how did i get to live in Thailand. I was inspired to tell my complete story which starting from 1986 when I fell madly in love with gurumayi and just went with her from that moment on for the next 14 years or so. Writng and reliving my experiences which were wonderful led me to this site .....Thank God!
I left sydda Yoga after a strange experience when i worked in the amrit in Ganespuri. Details are not important now but it was then I decide to make a change.
One day I woke up and it was over! It was as if God just plucked me out of the yoga......very abruptly.
With my family and friends still devotees I had many painful years of being shunned!
I have much more to say but out of time for now.

Anonymous said...

I am searching for Gurumayi ....and wondering why no one has contacted the local authorities ....

Frances said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Frances said...

Towards the end of 1982 after Baba Muktananda took Mahasamadhi and Gurumayi and Nityananda were dual successors of the Siddha Yoga lineage, Gurumayi said in a talk at Ganeshpuri, that as time went by, she would sink further and further into the background and Nityananda would become the face of Siddha Yoga.

It seems that is what has come to pass.
Nityananda has become the Mahamadaleshwar of the Saraswati order of monks and Gurumayi is in retreat.


Anonymous said...

What has become of human nature that too many think nothing of projecting their own negativities or smearing a saint's holy name.

Of the thousands of people I have met in my life, Gurumayi was the only one I found I could trust l00%

- In my 27 or 28 years in SY, I had many amazing experiences with Her, and some with Baba Muktananda - even Bhagwan Nithyananda in dreams and in a time of need.

Gurumayi was an impeccable guide in my life. I only had wonderful experiences with Her. Out of all the spiritual books I have read, somehow each and every word written by the Siddha Yoga Gurus always rang true with my heart.

Baba was my first spiritual Love, though I never did meet Him in real time - but the experiences were amazing and always filled with great love.

I do feel angry about the secrecy surrounding the situation with SY, but I know for a fact Gurumayi is the greatest of the many saints I have met in my life. I know she is perfectly enlightened. She was always firm, but gentle, respectful and kind with me. She never once hurt me in any way.

I don't understand why she suddenly dropped out of sight, but then - I am not fully enlightened, so I don't expect to understand the actions of one wh IS.

Funny thing, I never had any issue with any of the 3 Gurus I have mentioned, but plenty with many of the devotees - the cruelty and insensitivity they often showed towards each other. In our particular Center, it was outright verbal abuse. They drove a lot of people away.

I have been AWOL for a few years, but feel to give the practices another go, and see....

To spend some time doing seva at SMA is a thought.

Angelo said...

The title is wrong!
The title is better this way:

Where in Hell is the attitude of many people commenting here?

I met Gurumayi several times and i realized she is a rare being, one of those like Jesus.

Great beings behave in strange ways.

She will do what she has to do to free anyone that needs it.

Many people died very very sad because they never got to see a master of this enormity, and Gurumayi even let us watch her in videos.

Think about this my friends, change your attitude.


Agathe said...

Dears Friends,

Do not stay with your pain anymore. When somebody desepear another person arrive. Perhaps it's time for you to go to see BRACO. He is an humble, simple young man who want not to be a GURU and people near him have Shaktipat's experiences...
You can see him directly by internet at
Excuse me for my englich but I am french.
I met Gurumayi in 1982 and this last years were very hard for me...
I hope that we will experience all together unity and love very soon.
With all my heart.

Bernadr said...

Comme tout le monde j'ai été surpris par l'arrêt d'activité de Gurumayi. Et comme d'habitude dans le Siddha Yoga, une information n'a été donné. Les pratiquants ont découvert par eu même l'absence physique de leur Guru. Je suis allé à Ganeshpuri en mars 1983 et pour moi les expériences extraordinaires ont été une révélée puissante de Dieu à l'intérieur de moi. Toutefois, le Siddha Yoga a toujours été un moyen d'évoluer, ou un outil d'élévation spirituel. Maintenant à la retraite je projette d'aller visiter Gurudev Nityananda in the Shantir Mandir près de New york.

Anonymous said...

I have heard she married her security man, George.
My guess is she was done with the circus of it all and just wanted a chance at "normal life".

I was deeply involved w Siddha Yoga from 95-02 and the last few years of intensives and new years programs were crazy- people swarming her, staking out which car or door she would use, showing up to programs sick and contagious just because they had to "be with the guru". I was turned off and began to pull away, so can only imagine what it was like for her.

I am grateful for the teachings and beautiful experiences I have had with her and SYDA, but feel no need to jump back into the clique. There are many other amazing teachers out there... many paths that all lead to our hearts.

I do wonder, though- does she still wear red & orange silk robes? Or maybe jeans these days :)

Anonymous said...

i came to sy in 81, i just missed meeting muktananda, then he died, and i tried out the two siblings, i liked both very much, then the young man and 7 female swamis had sex. and he also forced his secretary to get an abortion after having sex with her. i recall very clearly him getting kicked out, and every picture, book, video of him had to be burned. AND THEY EDITED HIM OUT OF THE ceremony video where he and chidvilas were crowned gurus of siddha yoga. Any time you revise history, it isn't a good thing. like some people revise history to say the nazis didn't kill 12 million people.

for a time i enjoyed chidvilas, i got many good things from it, but the head games and power tripping of the people around her, and the thing about baba in the magazine, and just watching fees for intensives go up and up.

and then i heard about the harrassment of her brother, and i realized that there is no way a fully enlightened person would be party to such horrible crulity as throwing hot oil at him.

i began lessening my involvement in the ashram slowly, and by 1996 i was gone. i found that i did not need a guru, i could make a mantra from the words of nature like sunshine love ocean i replaced the incessent chanting with songs from my youth. it took a couple of years.

i am not surprised that chidvilas has gone; like others have said the rockstar gaganess would make any sane person flee.

Anonymous said...

I met Muktananda in 1976 (21 yrs. old), had my initiation which was very strong even to Baba who instructed another to take me out of the room and walk me around in order for the experience to fully pass. Muktananda was the real deal in every sense of the word of what a Master can do and be. I was very involved in the whole system for years - even responsible for Gurumayi's private kitchen & private dinners. I knew her and sat at the Amrit years before when she was called Malti. I left Siddha Yoga in the mid 90's but have continued my practices daily thru all these years.

What I would like those who read this to know is that the practices and Baba's words (and many of Gurumayi's teachings at least thru the 90's) are true. I left the organization for many things that have nothing to do with those teachings. I am getting married and was going to share Siddha Yoga Ashram in So.Fallsburg with my wife to be and only yesterday discovered all these changes and 'issues' - I am not surprised.

But for those who know what their true inner experiences have been - I say focus within - the message of the Siddhas - God dwells within you as you is eternally true - don't engage in this Maya/Outer world 'stuff' and you can never go wrong - whatever is going on with Gurumayi - when she was teaching and public her messages were true and useful and the rest is Gossip. Baba used to say gossip is the result of an unfocused mind.

I wish all well and while it is sad that obviously many people miss what they had (I do and did also) - spirit is eternal and the Sadguru is eternal and within us all - Sadguru Nath Maharaj Ki Jay!! and God Bless all who read this I hope it provides some support.

Anonymous said...

Hello to everyone! I have been a student
of Siddha Yoga for 25 years. I have been to the ashram South Fallsburg only once and a retreat in Long Beach. Gurumayi was there and I experienced darshan with the peacock feathers. I am very greatful to be on this path and loved the correspondence course with Ram! I still refe r to the old lessons frequently as they are ever new . I have had many experiences on my journey me and the Shakti. I dont understand it all but a swami once said the mind is in the heart. Siddha Yoga has helped me to understand what Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself. If you cant love your own self you cant love any one else. Baba, Gurumayi, Nityananda and the teachings hav helped me to eperience that love. They say God is Love only words until you feel it in the heart. Once someone asked Carl Jung if he believe in God and he said he didnt believe, he knew! We are all on different perspectives and levels of understanding but at the core we ARE ALL ONE and every ones poop stinks! I hope we all find the truth. Love Wisdom and Compassion Row Row Row your boat gently down the stream merrily merrily merrily merrily Life is but a dream.
We all make mistakes on our journey and maybe we will all wake up soon!

with love,


Olga said...

now can you see Gurumayi!
I am sitting on a train to London on my way to work. I click onto the website and watch chapters 2 and 3 . . . and it's as if I were there! It's like rays of sunshine flowing in the heart. What a wonderful way to share in Gurumayi's Birthday, no matter where we are or what we are doing. We can bring the energy of this huge love into all that we do all over the world. Thank you.

a devotee from England

Anonymous said...

I have always found the SYDA organization to be strangely controling and therefore manipulative. At the same time, my experiences of Sidda have brought me to absolutely highest forms of realization and close to complete realization. The problem with the organization is that somewhere inside of it are people who have access to vast sums of money, organizational power and worse, no extensive western education which differentiates between people who start to do good and get corrupted and people who understand the benchmarks of modern day do-gooders. This is an organization of loose do-gooders. Yet at teh same time, their money operation is clearly very sophisticated as is their advertising. Finally, as regards Baba and sex and stuff: boys will be boys.

Anonymous said...

I am sad to have read some of the comments on this sight. I know where gurumayi is she is in my heart. I have a picture of her on my boat that has moisture that has gathered between the frame and the picture. Somehow the picture has created wings like an angle round gurumayi. She is an angle to me no matter where she is in the physical.
I am thankful to her even though things have changed. She owes us nothing and has done more for people than most of us will ever even begin to.... SC. Charlotte NC

Anonymous said...

I am sad to have read some of the comments on this sight. I know where gurumayi is she is in my heart. I have a picture of her on my boat that has moisture that has gathered between the frame and the picture. Somehow the picture has created wings like an angle round gurumayi. She is an angle to me no matter where she is in the physical.
I am thankful to her even though things have changed. She owes us nothing and has done more for people than most of us will ever even begin to.... SC. Charlotte NC

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Anonymous said...

Its odd sort of. I went through years of being resentful at the way siddha yoga had drained my bank accounts , the work we called seva we performed for free, not being in an income bracket to go and spend personal retreat time with the guru at south fallsberg or ganeshpuri and thinking is all this only for the rich, then one day awoke to discover i have fallen in love with my inner self, the world around me, other people and all livings things and realized Gurumayi with her awakenings, her shakti, and her teachings had played a leading role in transforming my heart. For this I thankyou, and whether your living in the Andies, surfing in Hawaii, or living 2 doors down from me pretending to be a housewife i wish you all the best.

Anonymous said...

There are a lot of very interesting and provocative comments here. I'm glad to see how many of us are deeply processing our experiences of Siddha Yoga over the years, making sense of it all (or not), and in many cases, moving on in a healthy and empowered way.
One thing I would add-and there are many many more things I could contribute, believe me. I've seen a lot of posts that point to Gurumayi's absence for the past decade as a reason to be concerned, confused, uncertain, disappointed, disaffected, etc. This all makes sense. There are also plenty of posts from still active believers that we should all shut it and realize Gurumayi's mission of helping us to get closer to the " inner guru." That we should stop whining. My point here is that the primary cause to be extremely suspicious of SY and of Gurumayi has little to do with her recent absence. I started SY practice in over 20 years ago and had not only drunk the Kool Aid. I was chief Kool Aid-making sevite in the kitchen. I was pouring the Kool Aid for everyone, offering seconds with a smile. But no. The fundamental reason to question everything here starts with Baba Muktananda's apparent rape and abuse of young girls through the years. If there is any shred of truth to that, and it appears there is quite a bit of truth to it, how can any of us with one iota of conscience continue with this horrific lie? Support a rapist? A child molester? A pedophilic pervert who preyed on impressionable, gullible, vulnerable young girls who had placed in him the ultimate trust? No one with any love in their heart, with any spirit whatsoever could possibly live with that, dress it up, sweep it under the rug, forget about it, or forgive him and give him a pass for it. You certainly can't explain it away with some balderdash about Tantric Yoga. Bullshi#@*. Continue to process this folks. Think hard. That is a game changer.

Anonymous said...

I was a member of Siddha yoga back in the late 80's and 90's and miss it dearly. I had many experiences, some which makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Like once seeing Bhagavan Nityanada as I was chanting alone. He was about three feet from me and solid not transparent, and just floated from my left to right into the living room. As I got up and ran into the room he was gone. At times I still hear the chanting and at times just walking down the streets hear in Reno, I can small the blue pearl incense burning but in places where there is no buildings around. The only reason why I started to slack off from the Ashram is not because of the practice but some of the people there that was doing service that kind of looked down on you. We all when there for the work, work on the self, but some was there for reason other than the guru's teachings. Most people do forget, we are not there for the attention of Gurumayi, but for our own spiritual experiences. This is what made this place unique! Nearly all though people who we heard in the past complaining Muktananda this and Muktananda that, and that this person is supporting a rapist, how about bringing to the table an new era and do the practice and see what comes out of it. Life is short and if we are to grow spiritually then we must look at the whole picture and not just a portion, opportunity missed. In nearly all spiritual practice there will be moments of set backs but remember one step backward and two step forward, you'll get there soon enough. Siddha yoga is what you make of it. If you think it's bad then it's bad! If you think it's good, then it's good! If you are in the middle then that's where you are! Choose and don't be judgmental. And please, these are not kind words, this is the truth!

Anonymous said...

I grew up with Swami Chidvilasananda. Born in 1988 I came after Baba, and was a devotee with my mother until around 98-99. I was in the Golden Tales, if anyone remembers those.

I remember going up for Darshan and having a uniquely different experience than ever before. It was like a Darshan of disillusionment, and the last one Gurumayi ever gave. She was using a large feather and touching people with it as they approached her chair, I had gotten Darshan from her before and had incredible experiences and this was no different. When it came to be my turn, she was looking away, almost half hearted, as if she was going through the motions. When she touched me a Swami came up and told me that "the guru wants you to know that your brothers will be ok". This made no sense, I was an only child and had no brothers or sisters. For a child of 9-10 years of age it was kind of a shock. I couldn't stop crying, I kept thinking she's not real, she's not real. Like an extreme case of finding out santa wasn't real. Something so small sparked such a large reaction in me. It was as if everything unraveled at once and all of a sudden the magic was gone.

I was young, and knew nothing about her brother, or the politics going on behind the scenes, or anything bad of Baba Muktananda before her. I had a young pure heart, and had some amazing experiences, especially chanting, and in the meditation chambers. I know the power that was present at the ashram, and know that it was very real.

I still meditate, on the world around me and within myself. The no self, that is myself, because god dwells within you as you. And that will always be true.

SGMKJ (yourself)

Anonymous said...

I've been having many dreams of ashram life and Gurumayi recently. I wake up happy, in stressful times, and energetic, when I'm physically tired. It's always the devotees, en masse, supporting me. I think that's where Gurumayi has gone. I've been following this blog for years and find the people who comment to be truly sincere, heartfelt and wise. Thank you.

An Outsider said...

I was involved with Siddha Yoga in the 90's when I was a child. My mother was involved and therefore I was too. I showed up to the ashram a few times and did sevas and bowed down before Gurumai. After a few years, my mother lost interest, and since she was going she stopped bringing me along.

A few days ago I became curious as to what had happened to the organization and looked it up on Google. Sadly, based on what I have been reading a cynical explanation seems to be the most plausible: that Gurumai liked being treated like a god, and when the lines of people eager to bow down before her got shorter, she lost interest. She took the money she inherited from Baba and whatever she had been able to skim from the SYDA coffers and went to live a life very different from the "celibate ascetic" life she officially claimed to be devoted to.

Her defenders are saying that she has disappeared because she wants people to be less dependent on her and find their own inner guru, but if that is her goal, why didn't she say anything about it? This explanation smacks of rationalization to avoid the much more straightforward explanation: that if she simply announced that she was retiring, donations to the SYDA Foundation would completely dry up.

Anonymous said...

I was involved with Baba Muktananda in the 70's...Got caught up in all the hoopla but had great times...Mostly in local centers..Asham life seemed so stilted...Never really liked Malti...I'd pretty much gotten onto the sidelines when Baba died and still enjoyed the chanting and energy but as the 'scandal unfolded and I saw how ruthless she was and how vapid her talks were...For many years still enjoy center chanting and good friends etc.but recently all the dirt has really awakened me to the underlying manipulation that is tragic.But I have no regrets...Everything is perfect...Even seemingly flawed teachers and psuedo gurus...

Anonymous said...

La fundación SYDA es altamente perniciosa, no busca preservar el pensamiento hindú. Ha traicionado la filosofía del shaivismo de Cachemira, acomodándola en un pensamiento occidental comodino y permisivo. Han quitado celebraciones que para la comunidad eran importantes ( Rakhi, Diwali entre otras ). Debe haber una reforma urgente en Siddha Yoga. Para que deje de ser un camino elitista.

GettingStronger said...

Here's a book some of you might find interesting. The author, a former SYogi with Baba, writes about the many aspects of the student-teacher relationship in "The Nine Stages of Spiritual Apprenticeship," by Greg Bogart, Dawn Mountain Press, 1997. He presents a very measured exploration of what it means to have a teacher and then lose him (or her.)

My own path included 23 years, mostly with Gurumayi, before I left. Then a long slumber. Lately, missing so many of the gifts of the practices that felt too sour to touch for all that time, I've found myself coming back, to what, I don't totally know. I felt compelled to build a meditation room in my new office and then, to start offering classes. How I teach, how I relate to and understand the "teacher," how I hold chanting, has been a struggle but a worthwhile one for me. It brings many questions, but like many who've posted here, I'm discovering the inner teacher in ways that I hadn't before. Perhaps as Bogart says, it's a legitimate part of the spiritual path to let go of the outer teacher to make room for the inner one to emerge, as in literature where the hero tragically loses his mentor in order to find his/her inner core.

Anonymous said...

Sharing with you what I know (without disclosing my source!) the latest about GM.  Sooner or later the truth surfaces, especially of public figures.  The whispered word is that she has passed on.  Her illness had to be kept a secret because it has a stigma attached to it.  The disease can be transferred only by a couple of means to a person.  The trustees in unison agreed to keep their mouths shut if they were plied with money.

She was never hospitalized.  Initially, some Indian doctors treated her in South Fallsburgh by house calls.  Then she left for India where such things can be kept under the hat easily (obviously not true, we have known about the illness for a while;  besides, they say in England the news was in some small town paper a couple of years ago.)  Whenever she could she did make a public appearance, but then came a time when she was unable to get out of her room.

Folks, let her go.  It doesn’t behove us to speak ill of someone who is not among us anymore, at least so they believe in India.  And I agree, it is a good idea to hold your donations to the organization as it inflates further the already stuffed pockets of the trustees.  Very many negative rumours are rife about them.

Don’t believe what I just shared?  No sweat.  Perhaps in later time and date you’ll learn of it, and perhaps that will be the right time for you to know of it.  Please don’t ask me to reveal my source.  I could share this info only on the condition of sparing his/her identity.

If anyone of you feels adventurous and wants to manifest a hidden detective in him, well, take a shot at it.  As for myself, I never was involved with this path or yoga but my source was.  In the town of Ganeshpuri, my source says, if you spent some time, and made some friends, you are likely to find out most of the details including the area where her samadhi is at.  Some say she has been interred next to her guru, and her real name has been withheld or changed to the name of some unknown swami.  However, my source has no direct knowledge of it.  About the disease he/she does.  According to the ‘word of mouth’ it has been a couple of years since she left our planet.

This is all I have heard.  Won’t be able to answer any questions beyond this.


Dear One said...

Gurumayi, OH, where for art thou, but My own Heart and Soul. Revelling there in inner Bliss. Guiding, me and mine always,in all our ways. How can you have forsaken anyone, for you are everywhere that I AM. Your LOVE is the Kingdom Within me. Where I roam in your present company, always. So called Absence, makes my Heart grow fuller of your Present.

Anonymous said...

To all those who have got caught in the trap of expecting to be saved from without...You are the Truth.Nothing outside is real.Others can help but you must See That the senses are fooling you into thinking you are an object in need.You are the eternal subject....Try the Vedantic(living)teachers there might help....

Anonymous said...

I do not care if she enjoyed sex with donkeys because she matters of her own accord and was obviously absorbed by the organization of whom owes us a proper mourning for Our Dearly Beloved Malti became Gurumayi.

Bradley said...

I am mildly obsessed with Gurumayi's whereabouts. 

I never participated in Siddha Yoga but briefly worked with some people who were way into it. I think the guru phenomenon in general is fascinating and not so different than the empires that people like the pop star Madonna (or the Jew-ru Jesus, for that matter) manage to build around their singular personalities.

The two extant theories are that she ran off to live a Prada-fied life in seclusion, and that she's still alive and well at the ashram -- just deeply affected by a case of late-onset modesty, the kind from which Madonna remains very much immune. 

The latter seems to be the party line. Only the true believers (who seem like epically unreliable witnesses) are allowed access to her company, now that she's grown weary of adulation. And yet, propaganda abounds, all designed to reassure the dwindling faithful that she is alive and well:

Nice use of unpublished archival photos, but even with all the plastic surgery in the world, there is no way that's a 60 year old! She looks about 40 in those pictures, about the same age she was when she disappeared.

Plus, in the era of cell phones, it seems unlikely that not a single photo of her present-day, 60-year-old self would surface, whether she's creeping modestly around the ashram or living next door to George Clooney on Lake Como.

So. I have two other theories -- homicide and suicide:

1) She was never really running the show, and the behind-the-scenes people decided to take a page from the Elvis/Marilyn mythologies, wherein an early death keeps the legacy from being tarnished, and take her out before she could really screw things up. (One secret cameraphone of her being churlish would be curtains for her benevolent image.) They're using her image, and what remains of the infrastructure, to squeeze out whatever value remains in the brand. (And, they're on their way to my house now to douse me in skunk oil and cut off my fingers.)

2) She had an "oh, my God, I'm a monster" moment, which it seems a woman might be somewhat more prone to having than a man, and took her own life as a decades-long partial psychosis began to break apart, and a horrifying wave of self-awareness (as opposed to Self-awareness) took hold, leaving her literally unable to live with herself.

Either way, it seems like it would be business as usual for the ashram to cover it up and launch right into a PR charade that she's alive and well. Maybe in time they'll say that she simply dematerialized into pure energy, but you should still go see her hologram's shows and buy her merchandise. 

There's no business like show business....


p.s. Also: doesn't it seem likely that Baba molested her? She was so pretty, and the perfect age to suit his alleged tastes. And it would explain the rumors about her blackmailing him with taped statements from other victims, as well as her outsized fury at her brother for slutting it up. Also her alleged attraction to confirmed cretin George Afif, whose submission for the WTC memorial ( seems rife with the kind of gaudy sentimentality that came to be SYDA's style. Tres Vegas in the 70s! But I digress. The main point is that if she was sexually abused, but came to identify with the aggressor such that she slowly, imperceptibly became what she most hated, a moment of actual self-recognition could totally make her snap.

Unknown said...

For awhile I wondered what had happened to Gurumay but realized at some point from a spiritual perspective she has in fact created within us what is within her and it is beautiful. Would be nice though if some information was put out just so we know she is OK.
It does amuse me the way the organization forges onwards in a never ending quest to make money. I do wonder if it's true what they say that legally a lot of that was out of her control and maybe as a result she just plain tired of it.

Unknown said...

For awhile I wondered what had happened to Gurumay but realized at some point from a spiritual perspective she has in fact created within us what is within her and it is beautiful. Would be nice though if some information was put out just so we know she is OK.
It does amuse me the way the organization forges onwards in a never ending quest to make money. I do wonder if it's true what they say that legally a lot of that was out of her control and maybe as a result she just plain tired of it.

Notus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

I have been a devote of Gurumayi since 1988. Oh what a Shaktipat!!!! I've BEEN HAVING DREAM DARSAN .... REALLY SWEET. SHE'S MYB GURU ETERNITY. I WOULD LOVE TO BE WITH HER IN SF.
MARCH 30, 2016

Vicky said...

Have u met gurumayi if yes yess pls reply me I want to meet gurumayi

Anonymous said...

Reading all of this is bizarre, a real PLAY of consciousness - lots of EGO and blindness thrown in too!!
We are all SO blessed to have had such grace from this lineage, for any of it, for a single moment, experience, lesson and blessing in this lifetime, right now!
One does not need the physical Guru to experience great oneness, love, truth and devotion. Keep meditating on what has already been provided to us, practice everything! And the Guru's choices are sacred, the guru is the embodiment of truth and light, who are we to challenge that with silly ego and questions questions, me me me I I I want Darshan"...."where is the Guru" basically the endless chatter of the ego. Are you too blind to seek her...she lives in your heart?!!!! How can any devotee or EX one seriously question the Guru, this is all god's will unfolding....did anyone consider these choices to stop Darshan or withdraw from public, may be to protect ALL of us and came from Nitinandya, Baba and the Linage as a whole? Imagine the care and time it would take if Gurumayi had to embalm the teachings for our future generations, for the grace of self awakening, ya know...the ones WE are supposed to pass all these wonderful teachings to as well, instead of wanting, and so it seems EXPECTING so much from our physical Guru? Wheres the Gratitude???? Who knows what has been foreseen with the global turmoil that unfolded since the Guru started to withdraw physically, and I emphasise PHYSICALLY. The guru NEVER leaves you, did some of you not get that....the rest is unfed ego babble. All those divine teachings...are we all practicing them? They are all we need. MEDITATE, all is within so why are people questioning and looking on the outside? All the souls who have been blessed by the Guru and are not getting what they want like answers to inane questions, Darshan, visits and ashram stays, rituals... basically what they have previously HAD and can compare to in the PAST....are not listening to the NY messages NOW or are respecting where SY "is at" AT the present moment. Gee whizz, the drama that is thrown back at her....wheres the gratitude? Go and have Darshan in meditation, go on, I dare ya...."Wake up to your inner courage, and be steeped in divine contentment!!!!" ...because the guru is actually WITHIN so stop looking for answers and walls and flesh to satisfy your own ego on the OUTSIDE!!! If people are truly "concerned" wouldn't it be love and the best of intent to send her your love and bestwill and prayer and MEDITATE?! If you were awake you would know that as within is so without anyway!! Om guru Om!


Anonymous said...

Well I met did art work and other Sevastopol for Gurumayi I don't retreat having traveled to India to meet her fell under her spell for a month or so
Ah but when in South Fallsburg N.Y.. I thatthe as call Emperess had no clothes ,( tell a lie long enough to yourself and you end up believing
I follow and now practice my original faith " The Pece of God which passes all understanding will be in my Heart forever .
GM has the same divine right to experience that peace ( I Pray for her ) She is a child of God like the rest of us all !❤️

Kirti/ Carmen

Anonymous said...

Yes, I met her in Honolulu in the 1990s. I can't say anything special happened.

Anonymous said...

It is now 2018. Does anyone have an update on the true whereabouts of Gurumayi? This blog suggests she married or died. Someone, please post the truth.

Anonymous said...

I devoted over a decade of my youth to Siddha Yoga, having lived on staff at SMA for many of them . Although 20 years have past I still find myself from time to time googling "where is Gurumayi. I miss the sense of community more than anything else. When I lived in the ashram the love and joy that infused the community was intoxicating. I was there to experience the peak of Siddha Yoga's popularity and also to witness the beginning of the decline.

Gurumayi, thrived in the pre-internet era largely due to her ability to control the narrative and limit the harsh truth surrounding Baba and his indiscretions. To this day I still have the occasional Gurumayi dream and my past experiences with her will always be a sweet moment in my life. She (and baba) taught me the difficult lesson of needing to develop my own inner strength and to avoid the easy temptation to look for anyone or anything outside of myself for spiritual salvation.
I'd like to think Gurumayi is enjoying her golden years in content quiet peace. Nothing in this world is perfect, spiritual teachers are no exception.

Anonymous said...

I too, periodically google to find news of Gurumayi. I had the privilege of living at the South Fallsburg ashram for a few months after graduating from Chiropractic school. During that time, I did seva in the Finance Department, Bade Baba's temple and the amrit. It was both ecstatic and a challenge, yet I loved every minute. I still savor the quiet times and the people I met there, especially during the winter of 1998. Gurumayi, I love you. Wherever you are. Thank you for your sweet service and for opening this seeker's heart.

Unknown said...

The only way to get bliss and happiness and success in daily life is to become devotee,by spirit of someone and that is only and only is GURUMAYI!!only GURUMAYI can give you and everyone it's right path by gurumayi's too good heart.!!All of these are GURUMAYI's grace, kind lovely can't believe the supreme power+love+bliss+kripaa are not imagine they are possible to gain.. LOVE-GURUMAYI--more than beyond.gyansindhi.

ramakrishna said...

To take on the role of a Guru is not a part-time role, just go back to the days when Baba was around, he was there always there for everyone it seemed day and night. After his Samadhi he left behind two people to fill his role SW Chidvalasananda, and SW Nityananda as it is today Nityananda is very available and continues his Guru's teachings in a very profound manner. This is from personal observation spending time with both Swamis. SYDA has turned into an organization that I don't recognize anymore as anything close to what Baba was teaching, whilst Shanti Mandir continues Baba's teachings in a very loving way. It is very difficult to see through a guru/disciple relationship, but as disciples that is one of the journies needed to be taken, one only has to refer to the Bhagavad Gita and read about the 4 different types of relationships one can establish with the guru, SYDA does not cover that for me and that is why I left in 1991 SMKJ

Unknown said... GURUMAYI..who is good better best++very very nice for everything and for everyone..!!!!!